joy

today I am feeling very grateful to my mommy. It's amazing how well a person can know another, and I definitely know that no one knows me as well as she does. Phew. It's a relief, actually, to be able to just SPOUT and have her not only understand what I'm saying, but be able to dig to the real meaning underneath.

Thinking about joy and choices today, and of using every little choice to move in a more joyful direction. Every choice I have - given the situation, which is the better choice?

I want this to become a habit.


Today I will be working til 2:00, then opening the house up from it's bug-bombing, then going to the dentist, then -something- that makes me happy or satisfied. Or maybe even just laying on my mom's couch recovering from the dentist. We'll see!

big deep breath

The last few days have been absolutely exhausting in an emotional sort of way, which feels like it's crossing over into physical. I got home from work today and just couldn't keep my head up, so I went to bed. I slept for a few hours, so now it's 9:30pm, and I'm strangely groggy. I am thinking I will find an old comforting movie and go to bed again soon. I was supposed to do a 2 mile run, but if I go to bed before 10, I could get up before 7am and do the run in the morning.

I've spent a lot of my evening tonight looking at the Good Vibrations conference website - where I will be speaking at in September. I'm suddenly aching for a good unschooling conference. My mom and sister went to the HSC Conference this last weekend, and it was so odd to hear them talk about it... my first boyfriend was Josh Engle, and his youngest brother (there are 4 of them) is just about my youngest sister's age - and he and his parents still go to the conference also. My mom/sister stopped at their house on the way home, just like we used to when I was going to the hsc conference, and it's just so funny to see that little echo in their experience. I could get ridiculously nostalgic for HSC conferences, but I just don't have the energy for that right now.

However, I do have the energy to say that I am who I am because of conferences like HSC, Live and Learn, Good Vibrations, etc. I am who I am because of groups of unschoolers getting together and taking over hotels so that even those drab pigeon wall colors and carpets end up looking like peacocks and birds of paradise flowers. I am who I am because I had pink hair for most of my teens, and so did most of my friends. Because we had people piles, hugged and cuddled a /lot/. Because we had talent shows, because we wrote poetry on our pants, because we spent so much time online waiting for that one weekend.

I miss being so tapped in to the unschooling world. I saw a new HSC magazine at my mom's house and missed knowing every person who was writing for it. I'm giving a talk about being a grown unschooler and I am suddenly feeling like I should be reversing the talk - asking the audience how I can stay as connected as possible when I am working full time every single day and I don't have kids of my own.

When I exhausted the Good Vibrations webpage, I moved on to Sandra's. I hit "randomize me" and found my mom's page of writing. Then I spent a fair amount of time reading my mommy's articles about unschooling and parenting. It's so funny - some of the articles she wrote many years ago, but they still apply. She's a smart cookie, my mama. She wrote articles on soothing frustrated children, and as recently as yesterday I had wandered into her house looking for soothing, and yup, she followed her own advice.

"my heart is a teacup with hairline cracks" says Witch Baby, and I feel not exactly that way, but more like I am very small, sitting on the edge of one. Either way I lean, I fall. I'm not good at this balancing act. I don't know which direction I want to go. So I am just going to sit here, for the time being. Hoping that it's just those two choices and that the third isn't that the cup is going to crumble under me.

I don't think I am as maudlin as that sound. I think that's part of growing up. I was very upset yesterday and made a list "what would a grown up do?" Yes, part of it involved crying to my mother, but other parts involved making appointments, trying to go to sleep early, and going to work and doing my job.

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I have one zucchini that grows larger every day. I have 1 small pickling cucumber and one loooonng japanese cuke. I have a few small jalapenos, and probably upwards of 70 green tomatoes. The eggplant has blossoms, so do the honeydew. The basil has gone to seed. I am saving up money to buy wood for a new, and deeper, box. I'd like to have potatoes, garlic, onions. Maybe a whole box just for melons and squash.

The remainder of tonight and tomorrow will need to be rejuvenate-Roya day. I am in need of some gentle loving-thyself. Exercising in the morning will be a good start.

Happy New Years!

Well, I am sicker than ever, but last night ended up being a lot of fun. My cousin and her boyfriend came over last night and played games, we went and got food, then played Spades for a long time. Some friends came over and we all joked around til midnight and it was nice and celebratory and at my house! Which was exactly what I wanted.

I re-discovered cross stitching, which is both good and bad. I love to cross stitch, it's very soothing, but also very time consuming. Plus, it's from someone else's pattern, so I can't sell it on etsy or anything. I am having to remember that I am allowed to *make* things for the sake of making them, rather than to sell them. So that's what I've been doing today and yesterday,and the day before...

My mom actually ordered a hat from me, and so did my sister, but they want to pick out the yarn themselves. So once they get me that I'll work on them. Also a coworker wants me to make her a scarf, but she's already got the yarn, so I'm waiting on that project also. As soon as I am not sick, I'll be working on my Aunt's tables and chairs...have I mentioned this project yet? It will be HUGE. I'll write more later.

I got a fish tank for christmas, and we have a bunch of very aggressive fish. It's an event every time we feed them, and I love it. Its so homey. I love my home. I'm getting to the point where I'd always, always, always rather be here. Rebecca called that "nesting." And I am totally doing that. I wish I had the energy to get up and actively nest - you know, make things prettier. But right now I am in my new pink soft fluffy robe and I am going to go back and enjoy my couch and my living room and my cross stitching. Happy New Years everyone!!

finally uploaded photos!

Yay, I finally uploaded the 400 some pictures I had on my camera from my birthday and thanksgiving. Here we have a random assortment...starting off with the crazy mess my coworkers made of my office. I am still picking up pieces of confetti from between my keyboard and in the drawers. There's a lot.

After that, we have photos of Adam with my mom, and Adam with my dad. The one with my mom was taken at El Torito, where we went for my birthday dinner. In the other photo, my boyfriend is patiently letting my father explain about coaching soccer. I love photographic evidence of my boyfriend becoming a part of the family. :)

In the next photos, we have Rosie's best ever "That's What She Said" face, and a three-headed-monster of Sorooshian Sisters.

Thanksgiving/birthday weekend

This week has been very, very full. So full I haven't had two seconds to process, much less write on here. Thursday, Thanksgiving, we went to my mom's with my extended family, then to Adam's aunt's with his family, then back to my mom's and then bowling with my family again. I was really proud of Adam and I. Typically, holidays come with a fair amount of stress - from everything from just sharing the mirror to figuring out timing of when we leave one family to go to the other, to feeling neglected or left out at the other person's family, etc. But last year I made some resolutions about getting through what is supposed to be a happy day of thankfulness and family, and I am so thrilled to say it was perfect.

Part of what made it better is that Adam is getting more comfortable with my family, so that helps tremendously. Also, I made a point to not be touchy or sensitive about ANYTHING, no matter how stressed I might be. It felt good feeling almost like I was...outsmarting him. Does that make sense? I don't mean it maliciously, I just mean - it was nice to feel like I had control over how pleasant the day was. I could look beyond my own petty wants, and make everything fun.

Friday was my birthday - I did absolutely nothing all day, then went out shopping with my sister/mom, went to my sister's soccer tournament, and then went out for dinner with Amber, Adam, Daniel and family. It was really nice, really fun and low key - Amber, Rosie, and Roxana got me YARN gift certificates, Adam got me diamond earrings and a BIKE, and my family got me the game Hive, and the coolest blender ever (yes, a blender, hush, I am thrilled). Oh, also Roxana made me the coolest CD of "shower songs."

Then yessstterrrday...I spent all day studying for my psychology test, took that, and then went to the Alamitos Bay Yarn Company and knitted there for a while. I got a needle felting kit, which will be fun to use, and some manos del uruguay and lamb's pride wool/mohair. Very very yummy. After that I went running for a while in Seal Beach, then went home and got ready to go see Tom Russell at McCabe's Guitar Shop in Santa Monica. Adam and I met Linda and John Wilson, and Tracy and Matt there (all the director/co director of the daycare I used to work at and their husbands) at a mexican restaurant, then we went and listened to the absolutely wonderful southwestern crooning of Mr. Russell.

Today I did dishes, half a load of laundry, grocery shopping, finished a scarf and a pair of socks, and am roasting a whole turkey! It's crazy. I've never cooked a whole animal before. :P It smells really good - I hope I don't screw it up. It's got an hour and a half left to cook and I am resisting the temptation of opening up the oven to look at it.

The rest of the day holds finishing laundry, eating turkey, going bike riding or running, maybe going to my sister's soccer game, maybe going shopping with my mom, and then Sunday night tv with the boyfriend. Tomorrow it's back to work as usual.

I've of course been taking photos of all of this - so as soon as I can I will put up the illustrations. :)

Have I mentioned that I am home sick for a whole week? I have a sinus infection that knocked me on my butt! I am tired of tv, and can't focus enough to read or crochet, so I am doing all sorts of etsy and blogspot stuff. Of course, it took me about 20 minutes just to write those couple of sentences.

Anyways, here is a photo of my mommy and me when I was muuuch younger - although already preparing for etsy, as you can see.

I am sniffling, coughing, hacking and dizzy - but luckily my amazing mommy not only lets herself get painted on by little-me, but also brought me soup and pudding yesterday. I also have the most wonderful boyfriend, who brought me two types of juice, two types of popsicles, and cleaned the whole kitchen. Oh, and he brought me the most important sicky food - french fries and ranch dressing.... gulp.

My doctor gave me about 6 prescriptions, and two of them are muscle relaxants - hence the inability to hold a crochet hook. Although they are starting to wear off, so I think I am going to attempt it soon.

My newest project are these granny square bags with bamboo handles that I think are DARLING (yes, darling!) and although I only have one completed - my mom made me promise that it can be hers, so I need to hurry up and make more for etsy.