ceramics studio memories, again

you know what's strange? I don't know quite how to write about this, either. I am not one for believing in angels, or any kind of tangible "life after death" I don't believe in ghosts, nothing like that - and I know it's just because I've been thinking about it, but Danner feels so crazy *close* the last few days. I've been obsessing over my ceramics more, and he is very tied up in that for me. The more I think about him and ceramics, the less time seems to have passed between the last time I saw him. Ducky and I have been talking a little bit because of it, and Rebecca and I keep in touch via etsy - I will probably see Char at Jon's funeral, and Janelle will be there - so ceramic people are suddenly *present* in my life the way they haven't been in five years.

I wonder if T ever reads this. She's the one I should have hung on to with all my claws.

I wonder where Fil is, and Morissey, Jeremy..all these people who were SUCH an important part of my life that are just gone now. You know, they are the ones I wish could be at my wedding, for instance - they mattered so much to me for so long. I love the people I work with, but I've only known them a year, so they haven't formed that crazy connection yet. And ceramics was special. Char made it something special. I hope I am not the only one who feels that way.

I remember at closing circle at Not Back to School Camp, Eira said something once that if any of us ever had grandchildren who needed a couch to sleep on, they were welcome at her house, JUST because we had been at NBTSC together. The island trip had something of that same bonded feeling. Just because you had an experience - even if you weren't at the same session or there the same year - you share something special. Ceramics GOT TO ME in that deep down soul altering way, and I don't know how else to commemorate it except keep throwing clay and writing about it on here.

I have to keep remembering how young I was - I started when I was 13 and Char retired when I was 18. That was also the year Grandma died. I lost a lot that year. The five years preceding it made me me. I had pink hair and silver glitter converse and Jeremy introduced me to Tom Waits at the same time that Daniel was making me the same CD's. Char played Bob Dylan while Jon and I raku'd and Les got me the job at Laguna Clay where I met Paul and everyone, and I was surrounded on all sides by clay. I didn't have to do the final because I was the only one to get the other test 100% and Rebecca made me that great Guitar plate (which is hanging in my room) and Mike Lewis introduced me to Nina Simone and Santa Monica, and Mike Duckworth cackled in the background of all of it.

I need to stop this now or it floods. Anyways - Danner, he feels like I just saw him the other day, and ceramics is still as engrained in me as ever.

ceramics

I went to the Irvine Fine Arts Studio again on Saturday to finish glazing the last batch of cups and bowls that I had thrown. At a big studio like that they take forever to get out of the kiln, which means a long lagtime between throwing and getting the finished product.


This first photo is the container that holds the wax resist that you put on the bottom of high fire pieces to prevent the glaze from staying there, so when it melts (glaze is largely glass) in the kiln, it doesn't stick to the kiln shelves and ruin very expensive pieces of kiln furniture.

Then I have some of my cups and bowls all turned upside down ready to get waxed! After you throw a piece, it gets fired once (at roughly 1800 degrees f) and then when it comes out it is considered "bisque" - you rinse it to get rid of any refractory dust, then wax the bottoms, and glaze!

I always have so many pieces to glaze that glazing has never been an exact science for me. A lot of people keep very, very close track of exactly which glaze with which clay and which oxide, etc. that they use. I always start out with good intentions, but by piece 45 I am tired of it! I figure part of the fun is the random surprise joy of seeing what you made after it comes out of the glaze firing. So these are some pieces after they've been glazed, but before they've been fired for the second time. For stoneware, the second firing reaches over 2300 degrees f. This is a photo of the gas kiln used to fire pieces at IFAC. My pieces are actually IN that kiln in the photo - I watched the lab tech load them, then I took the photo.

So anyhoo, such is the life of a piece of clay. I will be picking up some of my pieces tomorrow night, and the rest next week sometime! Yay! I can't wait to post photos.

I am still thinking about Danner, but it's a strange kind of sadness. It doesn't occupy my every waking moment in pain or anything, but I cried myself out one night and now I just feel contemplative. But I am feeling this contemplativeness pretty consistently.

I just found out that one of the people I was closest to back when I took ceramics at cypress died. Jon Danner and I started the same semester, and were both over achievers when it came to ceramics - although he overachieved with the SIZE of his pieces and I overachieved with the number of them. He called me "Roya binoya" and we shared a locker at ceramics for a minute, but then got moved to the lab tech locker area, where we had lockers next to each other. This was hugely important to me at the time - also, he lent me paints so we could paint our lockers crazy cool neon colors. Danner also made me my favorite ceramics tool. Also, it went without saying that any time I needed something I could go into his tool box and find it.
I don't know what to say. I can't believe he died. It was so good to know, that even if we didn't talk, that he was out there making humongous bowls. I will call today and find out when there will be a service. Meanwhile, Jon Danner, you are still wrong about hip hop, even though I listen to country now too.