it's sooo close!

So the day after I posted about craving fall, I could *feel* it. It's almost there. It felt so good to curl up in my blanket when I got into bed, and while I was walking from my car to class, I thought I might be a little more comfortable with a sweatshirt on. I got home from work early, and so Adam and I went for a walk through the neighborhood with the Big Dog. I have a hard time not being 5 years old when I walk through my neighborhood. Bear in mind, this is the neighborhood I WAS 5 years old in - I lived there from age 0-18, lived in Wisconsin for 6 months, then came back. Then I lived in Signal Hill/Seal Beach/Long Beach for about 1 year while I was 21/22, then moved back there, went to Alaska for 4 months when I was 23, came back there for a few months, then Adam and I moved to Huntington Beach where we lived for about a year, and now we are back in Los Alamitos, one street over from my parent's house, where I grew up.

It is fantastic, let me tell you. I skip through the streets, I know where the cracks are, I know which houses I like to walk by and which I don't (there is a gray house on our street where the 'witch' lives and a house with a weird ornate gated front patio that I always pictured Jayne Mansfield's cult from Witch Baby to live in and so I never walked by since I didn't want to be snatched by sugar-coma'd crazies), I used to pretend that the very clean, square blue house was the house that Jane went to in Half Magic when she stopped being a part of their family... I've actually been inside many of the houses in that tract - when I was little all of my friends were from there. I'd even been inside the house we're living in before - I knew the landlords when I was younger. There has been a lot of remodeling in the neighborhood - the houses are definitely getting bigger, and there are two boats in two driveways, and yes, some of the sidewalk cracks have been fixed. But for the most part it's the same. I can remember walking the same streets and feeling driven to desperation with the need to get OUT, thinking that I lived somewhere like Edward Scissorhands, and how could I keep surviving somewhere like that? Now I am back, and I love it. One more piece of evidence that I am no longer 14 years old.


Annnnyways, Adam and I took Rommel and went for a walk, and I skipped and grinned and Adam smiled to see me goofy and we talked to the people in their front yards and smelled the smells and pointed out features of houses that we liked and then I got back and went to class and then went to Sprouts (my new favorite grocery store), and then came home and cooked, a lot!

I made stir fry and soup, so of course I am now craving enchiladas. I've been insanely hungry today.

ceramics studio memories, again

you know what's strange? I don't know quite how to write about this, either. I am not one for believing in angels, or any kind of tangible "life after death" I don't believe in ghosts, nothing like that - and I know it's just because I've been thinking about it, but Danner feels so crazy *close* the last few days. I've been obsessing over my ceramics more, and he is very tied up in that for me. The more I think about him and ceramics, the less time seems to have passed between the last time I saw him. Ducky and I have been talking a little bit because of it, and Rebecca and I keep in touch via etsy - I will probably see Char at Jon's funeral, and Janelle will be there - so ceramic people are suddenly *present* in my life the way they haven't been in five years.

I wonder if T ever reads this. She's the one I should have hung on to with all my claws.

I wonder where Fil is, and Morissey, Jeremy..all these people who were SUCH an important part of my life that are just gone now. You know, they are the ones I wish could be at my wedding, for instance - they mattered so much to me for so long. I love the people I work with, but I've only known them a year, so they haven't formed that crazy connection yet. And ceramics was special. Char made it something special. I hope I am not the only one who feels that way.

I remember at closing circle at Not Back to School Camp, Eira said something once that if any of us ever had grandchildren who needed a couch to sleep on, they were welcome at her house, JUST because we had been at NBTSC together. The island trip had something of that same bonded feeling. Just because you had an experience - even if you weren't at the same session or there the same year - you share something special. Ceramics GOT TO ME in that deep down soul altering way, and I don't know how else to commemorate it except keep throwing clay and writing about it on here.

I have to keep remembering how young I was - I started when I was 13 and Char retired when I was 18. That was also the year Grandma died. I lost a lot that year. The five years preceding it made me me. I had pink hair and silver glitter converse and Jeremy introduced me to Tom Waits at the same time that Daniel was making me the same CD's. Char played Bob Dylan while Jon and I raku'd and Les got me the job at Laguna Clay where I met Paul and everyone, and I was surrounded on all sides by clay. I didn't have to do the final because I was the only one to get the other test 100% and Rebecca made me that great Guitar plate (which is hanging in my room) and Mike Lewis introduced me to Nina Simone and Santa Monica, and Mike Duckworth cackled in the background of all of it.

I need to stop this now or it floods. Anyways - Danner, he feels like I just saw him the other day, and ceramics is still as engrained in me as ever.

26 items and 2 sales!

Hello hello,

I am still riding the esty wave, and kind of don't want to be doing anything except making new items to list on etsy, or browsing other people's stores. I can see that that's going to be a fine line I walk - spending money on etsy versus MAKING money on etsy. ;)

I am excited though, that the holiday season is not too far off on the horizon - both because I know where I will be buying everyone's presents this year, and because I anticipate everyone's sales going up.

The green and orange scarf is finished and FUN. I love it. I put a big embroidered squiggle on one end and it adds to it a lot. I felted about 4 small bowls, and I really like the photos I have of them. They seem so very personable. I am currently working on another scarf that is this amazing rich blue, with a few purple stripes, and then gradually changes to mostly purple with blue stripes. For some reason it makes me think of otter pops, or those real big scented markers I used to have when I was little. I should name the scarf Sir Oliver Grape, (if that even is the otter pop's name)..

Yesterday I received my first purchase on etsy - some vintage postage stamps. I have no idea what I am going to do with them, but I'd love to work on postcards again, and I always like adding extra and unusable stamps on postcards.

Thinking about making postcards to sell on etsy makes me remember my first experience trying to sell my own handmade items - I used to make stationary! I made stationary like CRAZY, when I was...maybe 6-8 years old. I used pastels, and did full pages, half pages, envelopes...with the idea that I would sell them for about a nickel each, I think. I don't recall if anyone ever bought any, but I had heard of kids selling lemonade, and I thought my idea was more creative.

Later, when I was not much older, I would make friendship bracelets and sell them to kids on my swim teams. I actually made a few dollars that way - but here's hoping that etsy is longer lasting and slightly more profitable. ;) It is sort of neat to look back and realize that selling my handmade items really is something I've wanted to do for a verrryyy looonnnggg timmmme.