friendships and myers briggs tests

The executive director made us take the myers briggs test again for another meeting about our strengths. This is something like the 8th or 9th 3 hour meeting that's focused on the same topic. I liked it the first time.

Anyways, there was one line that was interesting in this analysis that I didn't catch last time:

"Face-to-face relationships are intense, personable and warm, though they may be so infrequently achieved that intimate friendships are rare."

I have a lot of people that I love, and even more than I like - and even MORE that I'm entertained by or admire. But there really have been remarkable few people that I feel have broken past the barriers to "intimate friendship." Even fewer when you take my family out of the mix. I can think of two "best friends" that I've had in my life - Tiffani and Marina. Tiffani was especially intense, since she lived so close (Marina has always been 3 hours or more away from me). I don't think I've ever had a friend quite like Tiffani - she got to a level of friendship with me that I feel almost unable to give to anyone else. I'd love to, trust me, but it just doesn't *work* - I can't force it, and I don't know how it came about to begin with. I remember the moment it happened, too. Our dog had escaped and T and I went on a walk through the neighborhood trying to find her. It was a magical walk. Then I moved to WI for a boy, and got more and more distant, and then when I came back I started CSULB and just stopped talking to her. It hurt her - and I didn't realize what I had done until much later. Now it feels like it keeps hurting me - not sharp-pain hurting, but a constant feeling that I had something that I am unable to get again. She hasn't spoken to me for years. I sent her a few apology emails, and once I got a one-line acknowledgement, but other than that - nothing. She got married to a man I'd never met. I'm getting married to a man she's never met. I had this friend and then I killed it.

I feel broken, sometimes. Inept. I like people, I like them a lot - I just have this wall when it comes to making lifelong friends. So it was kind of nice to read that sentence - that it's not that I'm broken, it's part of my personality trait. Ho hum.


okay so I felt glum for a while then went on my flickr account and looked at adorable photos of Juno when she was just a few months old. All better now.

superbowl photos

when the saints go marching in

This weekend was a fantastic reminder of finding happiness in the small stuff. Sunday we held a superbowl party, so Saturday Adam, Chris and I spent about 10 hours cleaning our house - we got a carpet cleaner, we scrubbed the top of the fans, the bottom of cupboards - we did everrrything our little house has needed for quite some time. We even rearranged all of the furniture in the livingroom. It looks great. It was a good day - we paused briefly for subway sandwiches and for them to play a computer game while I arranged the books on the bookshelves by color, and then back to cleaning.

At about 8pm, Adam and I got dressed up, took the carpet cleaner back, and then went out for date night! We ate at Taco Surf on Main Street in Seal Beach - which is one of my favorite streets in the world. We stopped at coldstones AND at Sweet Jills (land of the best cinnamon rolls in the world) - to get something for later. We went next door to a bar with a free pool table, and played a couple of games while a Super Hero birthday party partied-hearty all around us. Lots of capes and glitter.

Yesterday was fantastic too - the guys woke up early to go play some football, so I got my beautiful clean house to myself while the birds -actually- chirped outside. I opened up all the windows and worked out to my p90x dvd, then cleaned the kitchen floor, took a fantastically hot shower, and then finished knitting sock 1 of my santa fe socks while watching southpark. Roxana and I went to Smart and Final where I overdid it on snack foods, and then it was party time! Marco, Kylie, Steve, Kristen, Jesse, Chris, David, Roxana, and later Jaime. I won the first quarter score, we ate a bunch, and it was - so relaxing, to be around these folks. We're all in each other's upcoming weddings, we've all gone camping together - the guys have known each other since they were 10 years old, some of them. It's a good, very solid, group.

After the game the boys started playing Madden on the PS3, and the girls went into my room to look at my wedding dress. We broke open some champagne and I got the best fix of girltalk I've had in a long time. I am so glad that my soon-to-be husband's best friend's soon-to-be-wives are so wonderful, and I like them so much.

I am looking forward to getting off work today - heading home, straightening up just a little bit, and then doing p90x yoga. I am on the "recovery" week - although 1.5 hours of yoga doesn't feel like recovery to me. ;)

4th of july photos

hello world!

Today I am in wedding mode! I have so much to do for Marina's wedding... it's time it's time! I wish I lived closer... this trying to figure out what to get now and what to get then is annoying.

Today my goal is to
1. Finish the shower favors, this involves
a. finish the ribboning
b. buying the c's and attaching the l's
c. printing the l's

2. Decide on a design for the bparty favors, start those

3. Get paper for the shower B, sketch design

Wednesday I will have very little time, and then Thursday, Ethan visits and I will do stuff like get my dress, get presents, work on TS, etc.

Sorry for the lack of details, but I'm not sure if Marina actually reads this thing. ;)

This is my garden as of the 4th of July! As of today, the zucchini's actually have blossoms!!! Yay! Very pleased.



this is my amazing jumping dog. Juno gets AIR. It's amazing. Also in the photo is roommate, Chris.



We borrowed the ping pong table from my folks, spent 2 hours setting it up, and here I am...getting whomped royally by my father. He's a ping pong master. I think he beat everyone that day.



Some of the potluck food, including an amazing homemade Apple pie. YUM YUM YUM YUM YUM.



Chris and Marco playing the bean bag game. This game is awesome. Marco brings it everywhere, and it never fails to be a hit. Also, I never fail to suck spectacularly at it. It's truly a remarkable phenomenon how bad I am at throwing a damn bean bag.




Boggle turned out to be a big hit for the night, also. Roxana, obviously, kicked some serious butt. My cousin Becky wins points for persistence. I think Alex and Glen get runners ups. I, of course, did not have the attention span to sit and play for any length of time. We also played blokus, which I won, every time, thank you very much.



We had a bonfire once it got dark, here we have my Cousin Zac and his wife, Abi, sitting around the fire.


We sat in the front yard and watched the fireworks. Rommel didn't like the noise, so he got up and went inside. We found him in the office where we had really loud music playing. Juno looked up once, then put her head down and closed her eyes. I thought she was sleeping, except every time there was a bang, her ears twitched in that direction.Behind us there was a kid that said "wowowowowWOW" every time a firework went off.




The 4th of July was awesome. Everything in my life is awesome, except for the headaches. Since I want everything to be awesome, I will finally make a doctor's appt. sheesh.

a long hollywood weekend

This weekend I took a group of 20 adults with developmental disabilities and 3 volunteers to Hollywood. We went to Griffith Observatory, the Wax Museum, Grauman's Chinese Theater, Ripley's Believe it or Not Museum, stayed at the Ramada, and then got up in the morning and went on a Hollywood Stars tour, and then went to Universal Studios all day! It was fun and exhausting, as all A2A trips are. I was sick the whole time, and lost my voice by the end of the 2nd day. I left my house at 7:30am Saturday morning and got home at 10:00pm Sunday night.

I got home to a sparklingly clean house, thanks to my amazing boyfriend. It was so nice not to have to deal with the pile of dishes and dirty stove that I had left!!! Man, it's nice when someone else cleans for you. One day I will splurge and have a housekeeper come every so often and keep only the fun chores for myself (yes, I like some of them. I like cleaning the bathtub, for example. And the mirrors. I always liked cleaning the bathroom because there was a precise list of things to do, and it was a contained space that had a *finish* to the job. Unlike the living room or dining room which never ever seems totally clean).

I am soooo close to being done with my Moose at Sunset crosssitch - but I ran out of the last color I need, so I have to go to Joanne's before I can finish. So close!

Yesterday I walked to the store and bought dumbbells and created a new little fitness routine for myself, and today my legs are actually sore. It's a good feeling. I've been sick for so long I really need to get back into exercising regularly.

I have a bread machine and I've been baking bread pretty steadily. I need to find a weight watchers bread machine recipe though, because I keep baking this amazing french bread and eat loooaaavves of it by myself. Not too conducive with the whole weight loss thing.

Juno is amazing and wonderful and I love my crazy puppy so much. She makes me want to have kids. That maternal yearning which seems to start somewhere deep and seep into every pore has begun again. Watch out small children, Roya wants to take you home...

Also - I watched Twilight and it was not as bad as I thought it was going to be and I am not ashamed to say it. Last night I also watched Speed and it wasn't nearly as horrible as I'd been led to believe either!! I liked it! I stayed awake for the whole damn thing! I cared what happened to those people! I predicted everything and still gasped when exciting things happened!

Tonight I am going to see Avenue Q with Swasthi, Chrispy and Larry. YAYYYYY.

furniture and friends

Heidi's blog makes me want to knit. I also want to take a cold, cold, looonnng shower. It is incredibly hot and dry here today - my hands feel like caked dirt and my lips feel like dust and my nose hurts when I inhale and all I want to do is pour cold water in my dry dry eyes. I had to wear sunglasses to work at my computer this afternoon - the glare from the sun through the window in this corner makes it so I can't see the monitor.

I didn't get much sleep last night on account of the fact that I didn't get home til midnight-ish, and then the puppy dog went nutso around 4. I stayed up with her til Adam went to work so I could leave her in her crate and hear her yowls and it wouldn't keep him up. So I didn't sleep well....

The reason I didn't get home til midnightish was because... let's see. I got home from work around 6, started the bread machine (sourdough bread), did some cleaning, playing with the dogs, and then met up with Chrispy and Swasthi (and their friend Larry) at my aunt's house, where we valiantly strove to put a humongous entertainment center in the truck Adam had borrowed from his dad.

This is the same truck we drove to and from Alaska in. I sit behind the wheel and WHAM there are memories of driving down the highway on the way to Wasilla to go grocery shopping, a fierce and strange angry and free feeling from escaping into Alaska on my own for a little while, the huge steering wheel, the all-or-nothing gas pedal, learning how to jump quickly up the tire into the bed. Made me think of driving to Talkeetna, the rain, the sun, the fireweed. Made me think about how in Alaska, you don't drive for comfort or looks, you drive whatever is there, however rusty it is, to get from A to B and you learn how to use the tools you have, and how to fix them when they break, and you never call anyone else to fix something for you. There are no plumbers or electricians or mechanics - you learn.

I was angry a lot of the time I was in Alaska, and for the last few weeks I have been able to think and dream and pine for nothing else. I miss it terribly. I'd like to go back and do it again. I'd like to go knowing what I now know. I wouldn't be so scared of hiking alone, I'd send more long emails about my experiences, I'd bring more books, and I would get OUT when I felt cooped up by Devil's Club and wildlife. I would take the canoe or the truck and go on my own much, much more.

So I miss it. And I keep remembering how much.

We got the entertainment center in the truck with the help from Julie's across-the-street neighbor who loaned us all his bungie cords. It was the first taste of the great example of community I experienced last night. Chrispy drove his car behind mine with his e-lights flashing while I drove the truck at 25 miles per hour from Cypress to HB. It took us nearly an hour to get there. When we pulled into the driveway, they got out to help, Adam was home, Chris and David came out from the middle house and Aaron joined us from the front house. All 8 of us got the entertainment center inside - I loved that these new friends of mine were so willing to help me and go so far out of their way for it, and I loved that those neighbors of mine came out to help just because that's what good friends do. I love that it's a piece of furniture that my uncle refinished and instead of getting thrown out, it goes to me. I love that Adam doesn't really want any new furniture, but he is okay with it because of the fact that it will make me happy.

After getting it into the house, the original four of us went to Norm's for dinner...which had been the plan all along since about 6pm.

It is so nice now to get home and fall asleep in a bedroom with curtains and a bedspread with leaves and branches all over. It feels like a real living space. Adam didn't have much homework either, so we fell asleep watching Eastbound and Down... I am not so into it, but it's okay to fall asleep to.

Tonight's staff meeting just got cancelled, so I am going home to move furniture around! I would like to have a How I Met Your Mother Marathon Weekend Sat/Sun..and I am planning on seeing Ave. Q twice when it comes to OCPAC. YAY.