who wins?

last night was a lovely night, and today has been a thoroughly enjoyable day. Last night Adam and I had plans for dinner, (all because filet mignon was on sale at ralphs and I was hungry when I went grocery shopping..whoops) but his sister got a flat and there were issues with her car, so he called around 7 to say that 8 wouldn't work for dinner, and maybe we should just do it another time.

Instead of getting resentful and not-nice, I was SO VERY HAPPY that my first reaction was "oh, that's totally fine - things happen." I almost bowled myself over with my magnanimous reaction to a change in plans. If you don't know me, I have a very hard time adjusting to change when I have a picture of how I want things to go in my head.

Anyways, when he got home, because I had been awesome, he could vent his frustrations TO me, instead of me adding to them. I know this is such basic stuff, but I want to pat myself on the back for being a supportive almost-wife. He watched some American Idol with me, then played video games with Chris while I cooked. I was low-key, low-pressure when I interrupted and asked if he wanted to take a break to come eat with me - and he did! We ate the BOMB filet that I made with baked potatoes and broccoli while watching Legend of the Seeker on netflix. He went back to his games and I went to bed - very happy, very content, very pleased with the entire night.

I was talking to my aunt julie about being married the other night - and the concept of "winning" in a relationship - whenever Adam and I argue, or if he wants to change plans or something, my reaction is to try to *win* - for myself, singularly. That's awful! I am trying very hard to adapt my thinking to winning as a couple, as a relationship - and the outcome of the specific fight tends to be very, very different when I think of it that way.

Anyways, I'm feeling good. Went to weight watchers today, lost 2.4 pounds! Had a good lunch of leftovers, and tonight is an A2A event! I finished another pair of socks I'd been knitting, have tons of wedding stuff for tomorrow, and plans to look at bridesmaid dresses with my sisters on sunday!

she feeds you tea and oranges that come all the way from china

Cookbooks at the weight watchers meeting today were 1/2 off...so naturally I bought two of them. They're so pretty, I can't decide what I want to cook first. I need some serious grocery shopping time today - in the 9 days I was gone and the 4 I've been sick for, the contents of our fridge have dwindled down to a little bit of non-fat milk, 12 containers of laughing cow cheese, and aloe vera. Time for shopping!

Tonight I think I will make 3 ww recipes - 1: Winter squash soup with butternut squash, onions, carrots and parsnips, 2: lamb kabobs with mushrooms and red peppers, and 3: balsamic vinegar chicken. I will also be buying salad stuff to go with it - and maybe it's time for some new rice as well.

I don't feel as awful as I did, but I still feel run down. I would like to go home and go to sleeeeep. 14 days til the Turkey Trot, so I need to start training for a 5k all over again too. My house is CLEAN and wonderful - trying so hard not to leave those piles. I made curtains which makes a HUGE difference in the livability of the living room/kitchen. Today I have a very small pile of dishes to do, some light maintained-dusting, and I will clean the kitchen floor. It doesn't feel like Friday, it feels like Monday, since I haven't been to work all week - and I keep forgetting that I have the weekend! I have no idea what I am going to do this weekend, none, at all.

Watched Say Anything on VHS last night with Adam - remembered how much I adore John Cusack - especially young John Cusack, but really, all John Cusack. Had weird dreams of crooked fathers and Adam buying multicolored suits. Woke up before my alarm this morning, and despite taking time out to fold a whole load of laundry, was 15 minutes early to work.

WW meeting we talked about forming new traditions, especially activity based ones, around the holidays. Will remember this Thanksgiving to get up and MOVE. I would like to lose this extra 5 pounds in the next 2 weeks. I think I can, I really think I can - I just need to stick to my food/exercise. Today I had ww oatmeal for breakfast (2 pts), and a subway salad with olive oil/chicken (5 points). I am full feeling - with many, many points left for the day.

Got out one of my Alaskan cross-stitch patterns yesterday too - looking forward to working on that later tonight when I am done with dishes/cooking/etc. I want my house. I want my home. I am super-nesting-girl right now. When did I turn so agoraphobic? There is nothing nicer to me than my own living room.

Yesterday I drank tea while eating tangerines from my tree singing leonard cohen to myself, giggling quietly with satisfaction. I have it. It is mine!

food woes

I don't know how much I have talked about my eating issues/exercising/weight loss/etc. on here - but it's a decently large focus of my life so it deserves some air time. About 4 years ago I stepped on a scale and weighed 201 pounds. I about died right there. That was the day I decided to start losing weight. I proceeded to, without the help of any "diet" - just by eating right, cutting out soda, and exercising - to lose 50 pounds. It wasn't easy, but it was FUN. I actually enjoyed the process. My boyfriend at the time helped me a lot - I asked him to never comment on what I was eating, except at the beginning of each meal to ask me to think about what I wanted to eat before I ate it. He also helped me develop my own personal exercise grid. I had so much fun every night checking off the little boxes for "50 crunches, 30 leg lifts.." etc. I would exercise while I watched West Wing every night.

At some point I realized I wasn't going to lose weight unless I started running. So every day after work I would drive to Cypress College track and go 8 times around - running the straights and walking the curves. I hated it with a passion. But there was always something to fixate on - a little old asian man who walked with his head down and didn't look at anyone but was there every single time. A tall black woman with this incredibly bright gold jacket who was there a lot, etc.
I worked at a daycare, so I was outside a lot with the kids. At one point I realized how much more I wanted to be active, and it was so fun to be able to actually play kickball and handball and tag and stuff with them.

When I started working here, I knew that going from working at a daycare (and I worked part time at a nature center where I walked all day long giving tours) to working at a desk in an office would be difficult for me to stay active. So that's when I joined weight watchers. My mom had lost about 85 pounds and was very invested in that program, my aunts were doing it, it seemed like a good option for me to maintain being healthy. So I started going to meetings and tracking my points.

I really love the weight watcher's program and their focus on the healthy living habits. I no longer go to the meetings (if I could afford it, I would) but I still track my points. I go through phases, though - and it's SO OBVIOUS how much better I feel when I do track and when I exercise.

I made my own tracking form and keep the points calculator in my purse. I use a lot of the online resources you can find just by googling. I started hardcore tracking my points on October 28th, and the only gap I have had since then was three days over Thanksgiving. However, I am not doing so well with the healthy eating things. Here is how I am going to fix it:
1. Water - I need to drink 6-8 cups of water a day. I have been totally slacking on this. I will make sure I have a water bottle with me all the time! No more ordering diet soda for a while either, I will drink water!
2. Fruits and veggies - I need to go shopping. It's as simple as that. I am out of fresh produce.
3. Dairy - need to buy non fat milk and yogurt.
4. Oils - this is hard for me. I never know how to get in oil except for salad dressing. So I guess I'll try to make more salad.
5. Vitamin - About half the days I forget. I will just have to make it a more consistent part of my morning routine.
6. Grazing - I do better when I eat small amounts of food all day long, rather than one or two big meals. Having more fruit and veggies to snack on will help with this. Also ordering less food when I go out. For example - although it's a good deal, I will not be buying the foot long veggie subway anymore, because that makes me want to eat it! Instead, I will buy the 6 inch, with the knowledge that if I am still hungry afterwards, I can always go buy another one.
7. Exercise - I miss running. I actually do. I am charging my ipod right now, I have my gym clothes in the car. I will change at work, and head to the gym or to Seal Beach to run. Tomorrow I will do the same thing. Friday I have an A2A event so I probably won't have time - unless I ask my supervisor for a long lunch and do it then. Or even if I just take a walk on the river trail for lunch. That would at least keep me thinking active and not break my streak.
7a. Crunches - I had a weekly challenge with a coworker of mine to do a certain number of crunches a day. We haven't done it for months. Today is the day we reactive that!

Okay. That's all from me. Sometimes writing down your intentions is the key to making them actually happen. I am using all of you as witnesses to help keep me accountable. Thanks!

Time to unload

Phew. I have that feeling right now like life is starting to get just sllliiightly out of my control - and it would be very simple to solve that feeling, I just have to stop, breathe, and take the time to organize.

This feeling tends to be induced by a messy car. I don't know what it is with me and a messy car - but as soon as there starts to be more *stuff* than carseat, I start feeling a little anxious. It starts to feel like water is rising while I'm sitting at the drivers wheel, and it's stressful trying to keep my head above it. Like I said - ten minutes of cleaning out my car would do the trick, it's mostly just a bunch of jackets and water bottles and my karate clothes spread out in the backseat. But it's one of those things I procrastinate which then makes the rest of my life feel tense.

The other thing that is looming is a presentation I am doing tonight at Whittier College for work. It's turning into being a bigger deal than I thought (students are getting extra credit to come listen to me speak). I am wholly confident in my ability to get up and speak, but I am not wholly confident in my factual information regarding specific developmental disabilities, nor am I wholly confident in my power point. What would fix that? Spending a solid hour today updating the powerpoint to include the information I want it to include.

I have been doing okay with my sleep schedule - the last two nights I ended up sleeping around 11-11:20, which is getting to be a little too late again. I would really like to be in bed by 10 tonight. However, there is a Young Alumni Mixer that a few of my friends are going to, who I haven't seen for a long time, and it would be nice to see them. I don't get done with the presentation til about 7:30, then I want to go to karate, then am I meeting them for dinner AFTER that? I won't get to bed til midnight-ish if that's the case. I don' t know when I got to be such an old lady, but it's very apparent to me that I just WORK BETTER with more/earlier sleep.

I am also trying to get the newsletter for work DONE - I am trying to send the giant file to the printers. As soon as they say they have it, that will be a load off my shoulders.

Last night I attached handles to a few new bags, and started crocheting another one. The canvas straps that I bought at the fabric store seem to work well! I am excited by this prospect. My goal is to have enough stuff to sell at a craft fair in December. Amber and I talked to the lady who runs the Long Beach Sunday Craft Fair, and she said all she needs is a few days notice, so we are going to split a booth in December. I am SO excited about this! I am going to try to have a bunch of bags done, and some ceramics. It's time to crank up the production line.

Oh - one more little stressor is my psychology class. I need to spend all of my spare time reading my textbook - I have a quiz tomorrow, and I have one more chapter to read.

Last night Adam and I went to the gym and I did day 2 of Week 5 again. It's two 8 minute runs. This run was the easiest of any of them so far. I was really, really pleased with myself. I listened to Les Miserables and Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat and sang along in my head and actually enjoyed running. Could this turn into something I like to do after all?

I am still tracking my weight watchers points, I am into week 5 of doing that now also. I have no idea how much I weigh, but I feel really, really good, so that's all that matters. I'd like to start doing more crunches and ab things too - when I go to the gym I do things I could do at home..I just don't do them at home.

Okay. You know how I love my lists. Here is the list I am going to stick to today!

1. Call Commonwealth Printing, make sure they got the newsletter. Ask about timeline.
2. Tell Rudy what day Day Program should come help out.
3. Print labels (compare them to Bernard's, make sure I don't overlap)
4. Print Movie Night labels ready for Nancy when she gets here
5. Update powerpoint, print notes pages. Go through and decide who will say what.
6. Print directions to Whittier.
7. Bring extra paper/pens for activity.
8. Lunch, pick up Nancy, do other work.
9. Presentation
10. Karate
11. Stuart and Sal?
12. Wrap pencil holder.
13. Read at least a few pages.
14. Throw away trash in car

Tomorrow (friday)
1. Work
2. Read other chapter
3. Take quiz
4. Do activity/discussion board
5. Mail pencil holder
6. Go running
7. Sew linings for bags.

Okay. That's all for now. Enough updating, time to go do the things that will make it all better.

I've been tagged!

I was just tagged by leakymouth! I have to mention 7 random facts about me, then tag 7 others to do the same.

Here's the rules:Link to your tagger and list these rules on your blog.~ Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.~ Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their name as well as links to their blog.~ Let them know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

The FACTS:

1. I am an elementary school drop out! My mom pulled me out of school to homeschool at the end of 4th grade. I consider myself an "unschooler" which means we never did curriculum or set lesson times or anything - we just lived life and learned because we are naturally curious people! I spent my time with swim teams, girl scouts, Rainbow Kids (our homeschooling park day group), and Bard in the Yard, the LB Shakespeare Company, until I was about 13. Then I also added classes at Cypress College, and fell in with the ceramics department. I did a lot of traveling, spent a lot of time in the ceramics studio, and eventually transferred to a 4 year university - although I would still, to this day, consider myself an unschooler.

2. My name means "sweet dreams" in farci. My dad is from Iran, he moved here in his early twenties to go to school. My parents met at USC - my dad was the only person in a tough economics class that got an A on the first test so my mom decided to study with that guy. She speaks farci as well, even though she's as white/blonde as can be from Long Beach, but they both speak it less now that they aren't trying to keep secrets from their little children. Farci was my first language, but I lost it when I started going to school. I can say "devar moosh derat moosh goosh derat" which means "the walls have mice and the mice have ears."

3. I have, on occasion, been asked to speak at homeschooling conferences around the country. One of my favorite talks EVER was the mom and daughter talk I did at the Live and Learn conference in Saint Louis, home of The City Museum. This year I will be speaking at the Good Vibrati0ns conference in San Diego.

4. I spent the summer of 2007 as an assistant Back Country Ranger for the Alaska State Parks. My boyfriend and our giant german shephard spent a week driving up to Alaska in his dad's white truck, camping along the way. The closest town to where we were was Willow - start of the Iditarod. Of course, Willow was basically a post office and a library, and The Burger Bus. The place we drove to to get groceries was Wasilla - now known as the home of Sarah Palin. We were working at Nancy Lake State Park Recreation Area - at the end of the road there was a trail that headed out to Red Shirt Lake. It was 3 miles to get from our truck to our cabin out at the lake. It was an amazing summer - one that I wish every day I could replicate. At "night" (lots of daylight, remember) we would sit in our yard and watch the eagles, the beavers, and the moose.

5. I once spent about 6 months living in Madison, Wisconsin. I heard Ralph Nader speak, learned how to knit, spent a lot of time walking, read every PJ Wodehouse in the library, worked at a Quaker camp, set my apartment on fire, shopped at the Co-op, got hit by a car, saw fireflies for the first time, lived in snow for the first time, spent a lot of time going to the farmers market, to state street, and using a friend's spinning wheel.

6. I once weighed 201 pounds. The day I stepped on the scale and was over 200 pounds I realized I needed to do something. That day I started exercising and watching what I ate. I lost 50 pounds. I lost the initial 50 by myself (well, with support from people, but no official "program") but now I am doing the weight watchers thing and tracking my points. Healthy living, exercising, and eating good food are huge parts of my life now - I can honestly say I have been changed forever. It's also not about how much I weigh anymore, but about adopting certain guidelines in my life and just feeling good! I never knew that I would get to where I would feel out of sorts and icky if I didn't exercise. Now it's a part of making my day good.

7. I want to run an art camp - I have wanted to do this since I was about 11, and it's something that burns inside of me and doesn't go away. Everything I do is with the thought that it might one day assist me with this goal. My degree is in Recreation and Leisure Studies, with certificates in Outdoor Recreation and Non-Profit Management. My current job is to run the volunteers/interns program we have, and to run Access to Adventure - the travel/recreational/social program for our clients. Our clients are all adults who have developmental disabilities, and one of the most rewarding parts of my job are not arranging transportation to Disneyland, etc, but putting on art workshops every few months and seeing the results. I am currently taking some online psychology classes in order to get my next degree - one in Art Therapy. Ohhhhhh how I want this camp!

so that's me, folks, and my 7 facts. I am now going to tag the following seven folks:

1. http://www.heidilogic.wordpress.com/

2. http://www.shellmitchell.blogspot.com/

3. http://maryeb-blog.blogspot.com/

4. http://twozanyzebras.blogspot.com/

5. http://lazytcrochet.blogspot.com/

6. http://lostmittenblog.blogspot.com/

7. http://paperwires.blogspot.com/

perfect sunday

Yesterday was one of those perfect weekend days that you just don't want to end. It started early (for me) I woke up at 7am, and didn't go back to sleep! That was great, because I love wakign up early, I just also love *not having to* - so I watched the new episode of The Office (my personal addition), and hung around with Adam, did laundry, dishes, etc. Then I went over to a friend's house, where I used to live in Seal Beach (while my parent's house was being rebuilt after the fire), and we headed over to Long Beach to go to the farmer's market! I am madly, deeply, ridiculously in love with farmer's markets, and have been meaning to go to this one for ages and just keep missing it (it's over at 1pm and somehow I never get there on time). I bought green beans, snap peas, apples, corn, bok choi, onions, carrots, etc. etc. etc. Then we headed over to Sunset Beach and went for a bike ride with a friend of hers.

The weather was beautiful - clear, bright blue sky - and a WIND like you would not believe. Riding south towards huntington beach, we didn't even need to peddle. Unfortunately, on the way back to sunset, we sure made up for it. I think I am still getting sand out of my teeth. :P

Theennn we headed to 2nd street to meet up with some of her old friends at Legends, then went to Alamitos Bay Yarn company - our local yummy yarn store. We spent a huge amount of time in there watching a lady do some needle felting, which I can feel in my bones is going to be a new obsession one day soon. Then we headed to Michaels to buy some cheaper yarn, and stopped at the store to buy kool aid packets, got back to my house, and..

dyed yarn with kool aid! It was AWESOME. The colors turned out really amazingly bright - we used a few packets of the ice blue lemonade for blue, fruit punch for red, the limeade for the green, lemonade for yellow, and half grape half strawberry for the purple. Each color turned out really vibrant - we mixed it in the various pots, added the yarn, then turned up the heat. The yarn totally soaked up all the color, and by the time we poured out the leftover water, it was devoid of all color and poured out clear. We rinsed the yarn, and hung it up on hangers in the backyard to dry. I will try to post some of those photos soon.

Afterwards I made a stirfry with all the veggies I bought at the farmers market, we ate food, she went home, and Adam and I cuddled and watched our sunday night ritual tv shows. I didn't sleep til about midnight - so it was a long, satisfying, wonderful day, full of good food, good company, art, and physical activity. Hoo-rah.

of course, my kitchen is a mess because I didn't feel like cleaning it up last night, but... ah well. That's what tonight is for.
Tonight I also need to do some reading for my abnormal psychology class. I am taking it online, which is useful, but I am fascinated by this subject and wish I had a teacher and classroom full of students to discuss it all with. The chapters I just read were about anxiety disorders, phobias, obsessive compulsiveness, and PTSD. So now every time my heartrate accelerates I end up thinking about panic attacks, but such is the nature of this class.

I am almost finished with week 3 of tracking my points, a la weight watchers. I haven't lost any significant weight, but I know I am eating better and I am proud of myself for it. The key to my success this time does seem to be making sure I write everything down once a day - no skipping days! Also, I have collected a variety of websites which have done all the point calculating for me, so it makes it easier. It's lunchtime, which is why I am now starting to think FOOD FOOD FOOD. I have leftover stirfry and some tomato soup, and new Manos del Uruguay I am going to knit on my break.