start of a new semester

Hi there world, so it's the start of a new semester...and time to wrap up some projects and start others. School technically starts on Monday, although my 1st class is Tuesday. I start seeing clients at my practicum site the same day, and I just got the dates for the Indie Patchwork shows in November! I don't FEEL like summer is over yet, but the world sure wants me to be thinking about the fall.

So here's my project rundown:


1. Thesis
Since I last wrote, I put aside the thesis plan to finish the IRB packet. This is an intense thing - the IRB is the review board that decides whether or not I am allowed to conduct my research at all. I was intensely nervous for the anti-climatic turning-in-of-the-packet last week. It included a letter from my thesis advisor, their packet (title, topic, ethics review, hypothesis, purpose, benefits, how I will protect the subjects, etc. etc.), ALL of my measurement scales, a copy of my survey instrument, the letters of approval from the groups that I will be sending my survey to, informed consent, and my intro email to the groups. Big giant packet, emailed and hand delivered to their office. I did that last week, and now I wait for the board to review and approve! Hopefully there won't be too many edits...

2. Craft Shows - I just got the dates for the Patchwork Indie shows in November! I instantly made a list of goals - new earrings, birds, and washcloths by then. I love Patchwork and I think before-christmas is going to be a great time. I want to make sure I look ahead to that so I don't get surprised by it and waste that opportunity.

3. Classes at CSULB
I am taking 17 units:
A. Trauma and Grief
B. Group Counseling
C. Meds
D. Clinic
E. EDP520 (research)
F. Thesis

I'll be able to write more about my goals in each one when I actually attend a class. Right now my goal is to SURVIVE this semester. I bought a calendar, and all I need is to stay organized, focused, and keep from procrastinating.

4. Practicum - I have been doing trainings at my site for over a month now. On Tuesday I officially put in my "slips" - which are requests for clients in certain time spots. I am officially allowed to start on August 31st. I am nervous, excited, ready, scared.... honestly until today my biggest concern was time management. Then I read a news story about therapy gone awry, and now I am scared of ruining people for life. I don't want to make them worse!! So my head is all over the place where my practicum is concerned.


5. Work - I put in my two weeks notice almost 2 weeks ago. Monday is my last day. I am sad to leave my clients - they are truly the best part of this job, but I also feel bad for not...feeling bad. I have a hard time with transitions - the minute I decided to resign, I was done. I also don't like the awkwardness of these goodbyes...so I have been sort of avoiding telling people I've been leaving. Probably not the greatest thing, but... that's me.

6. Exercise - I am on a three day streak of 10 minutes a day. Monday: water aerobics for 1 hour, Tuesday: cycling for 51 minutes, Wednesday: walking for hours, today: water aerobics for 1 hour. I am trying to look ahead in my schedule and do the thing that sounds the most fun!


7. Sprint Triathlon training - I haven't done anything organized with this training - but I am going to start incorporating biking into my week. I feel a little stuck without a good (real) bike, which might just be an excuse. I don't know. I just don't know that much about this. But I figure - biking, running, swimming - I'll just do *something* related to those three things until I have the wherewithall to push it further.

8. Healthy living - Honestly, this has been rough for me lately. I had a really rough time about two weeks ago, and all I could do was watch tv and eat. I've never eaten emotionally like that before. It was awful. The thing that picked me up out of it was going to Big Bear and going camping and fishing with my husband and cousins. I came home happier and more resolved. I don't even want to give myself crazy goals here...I just want to make the BEST choice of the options I have, MOST of the time.

9. Therapy - Still attending, but need to figure out a better schedule. Still love it, still a strong proponent for it. Also it got me to start journaling again, which for someone who preaches the benefits of journaling all the time, has done it way less than she should lately. I even got my water colors out last week and painted a few pages.

10. Husband - In the process of revising certain roles and figuring out how we do this wonderful marriage thing - yes, it's been a year and 2 weeks, but being an overachieving student and MFT trainee and wife require awareness, prioritizing, and conscious decision making. I have a hard time being multiple roles, and I feel frequently like my DH suffers. There are my wants: to nurture, to make the house beautiful, to feed and cook and take care of, to garden and be self-sustaining, to create a house with light and music and creativity, to spend time with him and be able to do the extra little things that make his life better and easier. There are my other wants: to watch 4 seasons of Madmen in a row, to crochet for hours, to read and re-read YA books. There are pressing requirements: to write that paper, to study for that test, to attend that training and buy dogfood. It is so hard for me to prioritize my values, my goals, my wants, and my schedule. I keep thinking it HAS to be easier once I am done with school - but I want to "bloom where I'm planted" and not stave off the life I want for "later" because that feels like a death trap. I also am not great at little bits of everything - maybe something I should work on. Maybe I should physically set a timer and do 15 minutes of EVERYTHING I want to do every day. I don't know. But it's something I think about a lot.

11. Cousins - K and Y are going back to Spain tomorrow morning. I am really, really sad to have them leave. Their presence this summer has made it exciting - they're both really funny and sweet and I enjoyed having them here so much.

12. Making things for other people - I have 5 shawls I am making for a friend's wedding, and curtains for my cousin. I have a little over 1 month for the shawls, and the curtains should have been done 6 months AGO. I am a huge slacker. I will get out the sewing machine this weekend and work on the curtains. I will.

So that's me right now. Full of so many directions. Maybe that timer thing isn't a bad idea - then at least I'll get to it all.

heavy, heavy eyelids

So. So. So. tired.

It looks so wonderful outside, from the window-wall of my office (I am incredibly lucky: two whole walls of my office are floor to ceiling windows) - bright and crisp, sunny and coollld. I would like to go home and clean. I need to vacuum and clean the kitchen. I know it seems like I spend my whole life cleaning, but I'm such a messy person that it never STAYS clean. I do dishes and then cook and then wham, everythings back to how it was again. I hate that! I want to clean and cook and knit and sew and do all that stuff and not have messes at the end of it. I want to be able to build on the cleanliness of my house and make it pretty - but I feel like I only ever have time to keep the clutter barely reigned in. This is what happens when you work full time, are taking a class, and have actual interests.

Last night I closed myself off in the bathroom and painted until 11:30. Why the bathroom, you ask? Best lighting. Today I woke up tired. I worked 14 hours yesterday.

I did a bunch of knitting on my lunch break - I have about 4 more inches left for the back of the Slouchy Cardigan, then I can start the front! Yeehaw. It took 2 skeins for the back - so I think I will probably need 5 more skeins at least. I think I have 3 left. I will need to find more of this yarn!

Today my brilliant plan is...work, stop at home realllly quickly and get my parking pass/gym membership, go to class, stop at the gym on the way home from class, get home and bake chicken and make red beans and rice. Then sleep. A lot.

Tired!

time for fall to get here for real!

I've been reading things my friends have been writing all over the US about how it feels like fall, autumn is finally here, etc. I am suffering seasonal jealousy! The mornings are foggier and cooler, and it's not hot at night now, but that's about it. It's still pretty darn warm during the day. I am knitting scarves and hats like crazy, hoping to inspire the weather to change for me!!!

When the weather changes, I go into apple-mode, for lack of a better phrase. I want to go out in gloves and sweaters and pick apples, and then I want to bake things with apples, and have everything smell like apples and cinnamon. It gets tied into other things too - I want to quilt, and crochet blankets, and write in a handbound journal, and make my own gifts, and decorate and nest, nest, nest.

But there's something phony about that feeling when I can go outside in flipflops and it's appropriate footwear.

During the fall, I want to be midwestern. Or from Idylwild. Either one. :)

I want to sit inside while it's cold outside, plan my spring garden, knit warm things for people I love, bake bread, and make my home as warm as possible.

----
This weekend was fantastic. I can't for the life of me remember what I did on Saturday, but Sunday we had friends over that we hadn't seen for about 3 years. Football started at 10am, so I woke up early and did some housework, and then they came bearing breakfast burritos. We watched the game - well, they watched the game, I crocheted. I've been crocheting baby sweaters like crazy. Found a free pattern on ravelry that takes me about 2 hours from start to finish, and I love it. I figure I can start stockpiling now, so when I am ready to have kids, they'll have a whole wardrobe! So I crocheted while Adam, Chris, David, Joe and Tina watched the game. J and T left, and Steve came over around lunch time. I heated up the pea soup I'd made from scratch, and made grilled cheese sandwiches for everybody. I had Top Chef flashes as I plated more than 1 meal. It made me giggle the whole time. I love feeding people. I played some bejeweled, then got out the box of bisque I have had in the closet for a YEAR. I dug out an underglaze pencil and went to town on my "Possible Life Series" cups which I'd posted on here about a year ago. We went and got food from Katella Deli at some point, played Beatles Rock Band in between the football games, I gave Juno a bath and spent some quality time playing with my puppy, I got out some fabric and started sewing a skirt, and then watched Dexter, Entourage, and Californication with the guys.

Good, good, good, good, good, good day.

I am living off of the glow from that day, hoping it carries me through the whole work week. Yesterday was a full day of work, meetings, presentations, and an A2A event. I got home around 11pm, and worked on my painting assignment for a little while, then fell asleep watching Adventureland with Adam. This morning we woke up early enough for a little quality time, and here I am at work again. I am taking a brief break from closing spreadsheets, refunding client's money, and putting together a press packet for the Walk for Independence. Tonight I have painting class - I am unclear about what we were supposed to have DONE for the assignment, and what we're going to be working on in class, so that makes me a little nervous, but oh well.

The objects I've picked out so far are a bunch of different ceramics, different skeins of yarn, and a cowboy hat. I am having hard time with the first painting, becuase he doesn't want us to create depth, and I HATE forcing myself not to make the image more interesting. But I bought big canvas board yesterday, and I'm really excited to do something larger than 8 x 11!!!

Tomorrow I work, and then my dad and I have a date to do Couch to 5k. Thursday I work and have painting, and Friday I work and then I'm going down to UCI to have dinner/exercise/tv show watching with Roxana.

And then it's the weekend. Wonderful, wonderful weekend.

Are you sasha?

Home from the Good Vibrations Unschooling Conference in San Diego - actually, got home about 10pm last night, and am up and at work on this MondayMondayMonday. Eating 0 pt. Barley and veggie soup from a paper cup, because I spent some quality time with the boyfriend last night instead of preparing for the week.

The conference was fantastic, I have to say. It was incredibly pleasant - with enough structure that there was always something to do, but tons of time where I felt like I could just sit and hang out. I worked on knitting, I sold a lot of my pieces (every one of my coin purses got sold - I have to make more!) and laugh and laugh and laugh.

I went to one of Sandra's talks, one of my mom's, the contradancing funshop and... that's pretty much it. I went to bed early on Saturday so that I could get up and speak coherently on Sunday morning, and I was fairly pleased with the result of my talk. I think I got across all the big points I wanted to make. Next time I am getting recorded, however, I need to remember to speak the questions into the mic before I answer. Beginner's mistake. Whoops.

Some of the highlights for me included hanging out with Kirby and Marty til 4am on Friday night, hanging out with my dad at lunch, during the USC game, and during my mom's talk, the Sasha dance, talking about the things I made to the people I sold them to, meeting an unschooling mom who offered me land in Ecuador, and meeting Andy - my new favorite 6 year old.

As always, I wish unschooling conferences never had to end. But I really, truly missed Adam by Sunday night. If he had only been able to be there, I would have been content to stay forever and ever. When I got home, he was waiting for me and we sat on the couch and had a great conversation about homeschooling our kids and his weekend and my weekend and - it was fantastic.

I want to go to the irvine fine arts center on Saturday to do some ceramics. I'd also like to start some more coin purses. I also have about 3 hats I am in the middle of knitting. I think I am not going to take a lunch today and leave half an hour early so I can get home early. Work seems like a tiresome interruption after this weekend. I'm a little frustrated with my day-to-day right now.

tired morning, yummy grapes

Made some progress with my goals yesterday! Daniel came over and set up my computer again, which is wonderful - now I have a place that is MINE that I can upload etsy photos, etc. I also started crocheting the bases for two coin purses - I crochet them with wool, then felt them, needle felt on top of them, then sew in a liner and zipper and voila! I also crocheted 1 bowl to felt, and made the front and back squares for 1 and a half new bags.

Yesterday I also made pesto from the basil in the garden - I blended basil, olive oil, parmesan cheese, salt and pepper - then I realized I'd kind of over salted it, so my solution? cucumbers! I put about half a cucumber in the pesto and it not only mellows it out, but tastes good too. I also made some cornmeal chicken, noodles, and chicken with olive oil - the idea of that was I was going to put it into the pesto, but as it is frequently with me, once I smelled it cooking it grossed me out and I wanted nothing to do with it.

This morning was annoying with barking dogs, a car blocking me in, and missing my alarm - but I am trying to remember the good part: going out to the backyard and picking grapes for breakfast. Yum yum yum.

Anyhow, that's my current update. I have a weight watchers meeting this afternoon - and I think I am going to take a NAP when I get home!

good couple of days

The sun is out but it is not so hot as it was the last two days. Oh summer...you are a tease.
Yesterday was another marvelous day for me. Being warm and having sunlight makes SUCH a difference - a difference I don't even realize until I am OUTSIDE and the freckles are popping out on my shoulders and my smile feels warm and stretched and everything is happy.
So yesterday I went for a walk on my lunch break up on the river trail - california sagebrush and blackeyed susans and the sun on my shoulders some more. After work I went home and read some tamora pierce, but fell asleep and took a 2 hour nap. I got up, went to karate, then got home, did dishes, laundry, dog stuff, showered, made lunches, and did my yoga video. I had time to read some more and felt totally relaxed and wonderful all night.

Today after work I am going to go down to the beach and do a half hour of jogging and then lay on the sand for a while. I want to also find a weight watchers or hungry girl recipe to make for dinner, and something for lunches tomorrow.

I love this weather. Adam's schedule has been nice too - this week he hasn't had to be at the academy until 11 or 12, and has been getting home around 11pm, but he still wakes up at 7am with me. So it's been neat getting to hang out with him while I get ready, and then have the house to myself during the evening so I can clean up and get ready for things without him asking more of me, and then be glad and rested when he gets home! He usually does another half hour-hour of stuff, and then we put on a movie and watch it while we fall asleep. It's been nice. Too bad this week is the only week of it.

My Spring Fling Festival is this Saturday and I am nervous. Don't wanna talk about it any more. :P

food woes

I don't know how much I have talked about my eating issues/exercising/weight loss/etc. on here - but it's a decently large focus of my life so it deserves some air time. About 4 years ago I stepped on a scale and weighed 201 pounds. I about died right there. That was the day I decided to start losing weight. I proceeded to, without the help of any "diet" - just by eating right, cutting out soda, and exercising - to lose 50 pounds. It wasn't easy, but it was FUN. I actually enjoyed the process. My boyfriend at the time helped me a lot - I asked him to never comment on what I was eating, except at the beginning of each meal to ask me to think about what I wanted to eat before I ate it. He also helped me develop my own personal exercise grid. I had so much fun every night checking off the little boxes for "50 crunches, 30 leg lifts.." etc. I would exercise while I watched West Wing every night.

At some point I realized I wasn't going to lose weight unless I started running. So every day after work I would drive to Cypress College track and go 8 times around - running the straights and walking the curves. I hated it with a passion. But there was always something to fixate on - a little old asian man who walked with his head down and didn't look at anyone but was there every single time. A tall black woman with this incredibly bright gold jacket who was there a lot, etc.
I worked at a daycare, so I was outside a lot with the kids. At one point I realized how much more I wanted to be active, and it was so fun to be able to actually play kickball and handball and tag and stuff with them.

When I started working here, I knew that going from working at a daycare (and I worked part time at a nature center where I walked all day long giving tours) to working at a desk in an office would be difficult for me to stay active. So that's when I joined weight watchers. My mom had lost about 85 pounds and was very invested in that program, my aunts were doing it, it seemed like a good option for me to maintain being healthy. So I started going to meetings and tracking my points.

I really love the weight watcher's program and their focus on the healthy living habits. I no longer go to the meetings (if I could afford it, I would) but I still track my points. I go through phases, though - and it's SO OBVIOUS how much better I feel when I do track and when I exercise.

I made my own tracking form and keep the points calculator in my purse. I use a lot of the online resources you can find just by googling. I started hardcore tracking my points on October 28th, and the only gap I have had since then was three days over Thanksgiving. However, I am not doing so well with the healthy eating things. Here is how I am going to fix it:
1. Water - I need to drink 6-8 cups of water a day. I have been totally slacking on this. I will make sure I have a water bottle with me all the time! No more ordering diet soda for a while either, I will drink water!
2. Fruits and veggies - I need to go shopping. It's as simple as that. I am out of fresh produce.
3. Dairy - need to buy non fat milk and yogurt.
4. Oils - this is hard for me. I never know how to get in oil except for salad dressing. So I guess I'll try to make more salad.
5. Vitamin - About half the days I forget. I will just have to make it a more consistent part of my morning routine.
6. Grazing - I do better when I eat small amounts of food all day long, rather than one or two big meals. Having more fruit and veggies to snack on will help with this. Also ordering less food when I go out. For example - although it's a good deal, I will not be buying the foot long veggie subway anymore, because that makes me want to eat it! Instead, I will buy the 6 inch, with the knowledge that if I am still hungry afterwards, I can always go buy another one.
7. Exercise - I miss running. I actually do. I am charging my ipod right now, I have my gym clothes in the car. I will change at work, and head to the gym or to Seal Beach to run. Tomorrow I will do the same thing. Friday I have an A2A event so I probably won't have time - unless I ask my supervisor for a long lunch and do it then. Or even if I just take a walk on the river trail for lunch. That would at least keep me thinking active and not break my streak.
7a. Crunches - I had a weekly challenge with a coworker of mine to do a certain number of crunches a day. We haven't done it for months. Today is the day we reactive that!

Okay. That's all from me. Sometimes writing down your intentions is the key to making them actually happen. I am using all of you as witnesses to help keep me accountable. Thanks!

Time to unload

Phew. I have that feeling right now like life is starting to get just sllliiightly out of my control - and it would be very simple to solve that feeling, I just have to stop, breathe, and take the time to organize.

This feeling tends to be induced by a messy car. I don't know what it is with me and a messy car - but as soon as there starts to be more *stuff* than carseat, I start feeling a little anxious. It starts to feel like water is rising while I'm sitting at the drivers wheel, and it's stressful trying to keep my head above it. Like I said - ten minutes of cleaning out my car would do the trick, it's mostly just a bunch of jackets and water bottles and my karate clothes spread out in the backseat. But it's one of those things I procrastinate which then makes the rest of my life feel tense.

The other thing that is looming is a presentation I am doing tonight at Whittier College for work. It's turning into being a bigger deal than I thought (students are getting extra credit to come listen to me speak). I am wholly confident in my ability to get up and speak, but I am not wholly confident in my factual information regarding specific developmental disabilities, nor am I wholly confident in my power point. What would fix that? Spending a solid hour today updating the powerpoint to include the information I want it to include.

I have been doing okay with my sleep schedule - the last two nights I ended up sleeping around 11-11:20, which is getting to be a little too late again. I would really like to be in bed by 10 tonight. However, there is a Young Alumni Mixer that a few of my friends are going to, who I haven't seen for a long time, and it would be nice to see them. I don't get done with the presentation til about 7:30, then I want to go to karate, then am I meeting them for dinner AFTER that? I won't get to bed til midnight-ish if that's the case. I don' t know when I got to be such an old lady, but it's very apparent to me that I just WORK BETTER with more/earlier sleep.

I am also trying to get the newsletter for work DONE - I am trying to send the giant file to the printers. As soon as they say they have it, that will be a load off my shoulders.

Last night I attached handles to a few new bags, and started crocheting another one. The canvas straps that I bought at the fabric store seem to work well! I am excited by this prospect. My goal is to have enough stuff to sell at a craft fair in December. Amber and I talked to the lady who runs the Long Beach Sunday Craft Fair, and she said all she needs is a few days notice, so we are going to split a booth in December. I am SO excited about this! I am going to try to have a bunch of bags done, and some ceramics. It's time to crank up the production line.

Oh - one more little stressor is my psychology class. I need to spend all of my spare time reading my textbook - I have a quiz tomorrow, and I have one more chapter to read.

Last night Adam and I went to the gym and I did day 2 of Week 5 again. It's two 8 minute runs. This run was the easiest of any of them so far. I was really, really pleased with myself. I listened to Les Miserables and Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat and sang along in my head and actually enjoyed running. Could this turn into something I like to do after all?

I am still tracking my weight watchers points, I am into week 5 of doing that now also. I have no idea how much I weigh, but I feel really, really good, so that's all that matters. I'd like to start doing more crunches and ab things too - when I go to the gym I do things I could do at home..I just don't do them at home.

Okay. You know how I love my lists. Here is the list I am going to stick to today!

1. Call Commonwealth Printing, make sure they got the newsletter. Ask about timeline.
2. Tell Rudy what day Day Program should come help out.
3. Print labels (compare them to Bernard's, make sure I don't overlap)
4. Print Movie Night labels ready for Nancy when she gets here
5. Update powerpoint, print notes pages. Go through and decide who will say what.
6. Print directions to Whittier.
7. Bring extra paper/pens for activity.
8. Lunch, pick up Nancy, do other work.
9. Presentation
10. Karate
11. Stuart and Sal?
12. Wrap pencil holder.
13. Read at least a few pages.
14. Throw away trash in car

Tomorrow (friday)
1. Work
2. Read other chapter
3. Take quiz
4. Do activity/discussion board
5. Mail pencil holder
6. Go running
7. Sew linings for bags.

Okay. That's all for now. Enough updating, time to go do the things that will make it all better.

small update

Okay so my list yesterday didn't go so well. I did not water my plants, read my book, or do dishes. However, I did put away laundry, and I ended up going out with karate folks. I finished fingerless glove #3 (short gloves made with manos del uruguay) and I lurrrrve it. I did also stop at the discount fabric store and bought fabric for the lining of my bags. I also bought some of this cool canvas strap that I am hoping to turn into the handles for large bags - it'd be so much cheaper to do that than buy them...if they work.

I am going on Saturday to do ceramics again and I am so excited. Adam invited me to go climb Mt. Baldy with him - and I really would love to do that too, but the call of the clay is strong...

Looking at Rebecca's pieces, I am inspired all over again. Yes, this is the same Rebecca that I used to take ceramics with. I am so impressed by her stuff, it's ridiculous. It made me really, really, really want to use Bmix and polish up my pieces.

schedule

Tonight...
1. Stop at the discount fabric store for fabric lining
2. Stop at Joanne's for handles
3. Go home, with any spare time, wrap recently sold Pollock pencil holder, read textbook (or do dishes...)
4. Go to karate
5. Do not go out with karate folk
6. Go home, do dishes (if not previously done) and finish reading Chapter 8
7. Put away laundry
8. Water plants
9. Go to bed early

Tomorrow
1. Wake up early
2. Start reading Chapter 9
3. Work
3a Print more copies of internship/volunteer applications and flyer
3b send newsletter TO PRINTERS
3c go to Fullerton job fair
3d finish Whittier College powerpoint
4. Leave early - go to Post Office, mail Pollock order
5. Sew bags and stuff!
6. Find article for research paper

Thursday
1. Work, etc.
2. Whittier Thing til sorta late
3. karate hopefully

Friday
1. Work etc.
2. Leave early

Saturday
CERAMICS!