Wednesday, November 11, 2009

the fascinating saga of a sick-at-home person..

Have been going around this morning trying to clean up the little piles that collect when you are sick - the stacks of books and glasses by the bed, the little bits of trash from the immune-c packets, the knitting needles and skeins of yarn left by the couch where I abandon them after 2 minutes of interest... and in cleaning up this clutter I am realizing how dusty my house is. Doing every bit of laundry, including sheets, blankets and dishcloths, organizing dresser and computer desk, eating honey-nut cheerios with a chopped up fuji apple on top of it and way too much splenda, Bonnie Raitt playing on pandora. Above our windows we have the hardware already installed for curtains - maybe that would be a good project for today.

Adam works late tonight. We fell asleep reading Twilight aloud to each other last night. It's like reading the Boxcar Children all over again - very compelled by the story/characters, but DAMMIT I wish a better writer had thought of it. Maybe JK Rowling can do a re-write.

We had another installation in our series of Talking-About-Raising-Kids last night, only this one was a little grittier. This morning he said he'd had anxiety dreams about showing up at the Dodd house nekked. Let's interpret that one, shall we? I wonder why he is stressing this so much right now - I would like to have kids in the next 5 years, but it's another 5 years even after that before he needs to worry about school options, and by that time he'll KNOW his kid and it won't be an issue. I wonder why it's all coming up this week.

I had a moment of weakness that wasn't a big deal last night but I wasn't proud of, either. I am trying very hard to not do what we have coined "throwing attitude around" - in that it's a)an ugly face/expression, b)very self-defeating, c)makes me feel small-souled, d)adam hates it. It comes out in many situations, and after every single one if I stop and think, I can see how it would have been SO MUCH BETTER if I had just paused and-changed one little reaction. I've been doing better and better, and last night I woke up at a weird time and Adam was watching something on TV I didn't want to watch and I was just plain CRANKY and I picked on him for that reason - and I hate that as I am doing something, the smarter, calmer, not-cranky part of me is thinking "Roya, whatcha doing? You know that that is not the way to get what you want" but I ignore that part of me. Like I said - not the end of the world, just frustrating for me on my path to perfection (harharhar) when I CHOOSE the meaner option.

Anyways - I have one more load of dishes, a couple loads of laundry, and some dusting to do. Then fabric hunt, curtains, photos at karate, and making lunches for tomorrow. All to the tune of old recorded Gilmore Girls, I'm sure.


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