Monday, February 15, 2010

the best part about being sick is the knitting

I always thought I was cheerful and optimistic. I have lately, however, come to the disgruntling realization that although I can be chipper, perky, happy - it usually is fairly dramatic, even when it's a positive sort of dramatic, and it's not particularly sustainable. I have been feeling more and more like my default mode is a negative one - when someone asks how I am, the first thing out of my mouth is a complaint. When I finish a movie, it's the parts I didn't like, that I mention.

I am straying from the 14-year-old-me thought that total and complete BLISS is what I am going for - I'd like my life to be pleasant, overall. Pleasant is what I am shooting for as my default mode. Not that I can't be pissed off, displeased, annoyed, or unsatisfied - but I want to CHOOSE those times. It's the default mode I am most concerned with.

I'd like to think it's most habit - not that I really am unhappy, just I've gotten into this negative rut. I'd like to think it's habit, because THAT, I can do something about.

For any goal, I like to have measurable objectives - but - this time around, I think I am just going to say that whenever the occasion comes up to give my opinion, I'm going to say something positive FIRST.

Next time we'll tackle the idea of intellect over emotion, control over emotions, choosing when to cry, and how to get what I want next week.

as for now, I am going to do more dishes, take vitamin c, drink a lot of water, and maybe give Marina a call. To combat the restless results of being sick for two days, I need to change my situation - even if it's just moving from couch to bed. Cleaning something would help, too!


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