friendships and myers briggs tests

The executive director made us take the myers briggs test again for another meeting about our strengths. This is something like the 8th or 9th 3 hour meeting that's focused on the same topic. I liked it the first time.

Anyways, there was one line that was interesting in this analysis that I didn't catch last time:

"Face-to-face relationships are intense, personable and warm, though they may be so infrequently achieved that intimate friendships are rare."

I have a lot of people that I love, and even more than I like - and even MORE that I'm entertained by or admire. But there really have been remarkable few people that I feel have broken past the barriers to "intimate friendship." Even fewer when you take my family out of the mix. I can think of two "best friends" that I've had in my life - Tiffani and Marina. Tiffani was especially intense, since she lived so close (Marina has always been 3 hours or more away from me). I don't think I've ever had a friend quite like Tiffani - she got to a level of friendship with me that I feel almost unable to give to anyone else. I'd love to, trust me, but it just doesn't *work* - I can't force it, and I don't know how it came about to begin with. I remember the moment it happened, too. Our dog had escaped and T and I went on a walk through the neighborhood trying to find her. It was a magical walk. Then I moved to WI for a boy, and got more and more distant, and then when I came back I started CSULB and just stopped talking to her. It hurt her - and I didn't realize what I had done until much later. Now it feels like it keeps hurting me - not sharp-pain hurting, but a constant feeling that I had something that I am unable to get again. She hasn't spoken to me for years. I sent her a few apology emails, and once I got a one-line acknowledgement, but other than that - nothing. She got married to a man I'd never met. I'm getting married to a man she's never met. I had this friend and then I killed it.

I feel broken, sometimes. Inept. I like people, I like them a lot - I just have this wall when it comes to making lifelong friends. So it was kind of nice to read that sentence - that it's not that I'm broken, it's part of my personality trait. Ho hum.


okay so I felt glum for a while then went on my flickr account and looked at adorable photos of Juno when she was just a few months old. All better now.