I feel a little more optimistic this afternoon - mostly because looking ahead, tonight I have so much stuff to do I won't have time to think! I am realizing that my levels of mess-tolerance have gone down a LOT since I started really trying to maintain the house. I have several small messes and they are hovering in the back of my head all the time! must clean coffee table, sweep bathroom, clean kitchen counters, clear off dresser...

I think I want to bake things and bring them to my dry cleaners. The girl who is always there has this cute little shy smile and when she inputs my phone number she types really really hard with one finger and she's about half as tall as me and when I go in begging her to have a shirt done the same day she makes it happen. I want to bake things and bring them to work too, but everyone here is trying to eat healthy so that will take more thought. I think baking things and giving them is what makes a person good. I want to be good.

This morning, like the morning before, and like tomorrow morning, Emily and I met at the gym to work out. I believe I now weigh less than I ever have. It's a good feeling. I coordinated a healthy-lunch potluck at work last week, and tomorrow we are going walking on Friday up on the river trail on our lunch break. I like being that sort of catalyst.

I am strong and driven and enthusiastic and organized.
I need to employ all of these things between the hours of 10pm and 7am in addition to my optimal-working hours. I can't give in to weakness. Failure is simply not an option.

I need to work harder, do more, think less, be nicer, be generous, think about other people, volunteer, clean up, be nurturing, bite my tongue, grow up, chill out, sleep more, and be better. I can do it. I know I can. I have to I have to I have to.

I wish the doctor would call me back. I have more questions.

life

If I were going to write a *real* blog post, I'd write about how Obama's inauguration speech was so powerful that I listened to it once and then had to listen to it again. The second time was even better - I wasn't so blown away, I could slow down and enjoy the beauty of his phrasing, of the actual content - the sentence structure, even. I heard someone say that they had watched other inaugurations - one president passing the torch to another president, but this was the first inauguration they had watched where it was the president passing the torch to the people.

I was so glad that I had gone to the Bolsa Chica Beach Cleanup on Monday - I don't think I could have held my head up when Obama started talking about responsibility if I had flaked on that.

So our President has the most amazing superpower I have ever seen - the ability to empower people.
For that matter, his wife has that super power too.

In other non-amazing-president news, I have been sparkpeople obsessed, I have been doing NOTHING BUT work, exercise/karate, sparkpeople, and helping Adam with police academy. My life is one long to do list - most of it I am glad to do.

My current spiritual (for lack of a better word) issue is one about jealousy, and how to eradicate this particular sin from my soul. I compare it to alcholism - it feels like an addiction, and I am working on fighting it every day. I can't afford to be weak anymore.
I got the results of my biopsy. My life is not threatened, but I have a painful skin condition that will never go away. I haven't really processed this yet. I don't have time.

My world is slowly coming together - yesterday I left my very detailed to-do list at the grocery store, and after a minute of panicking, realized that some of my habits are actually established and I didn't need the list. So that was good. But I didn't feel quite right til I got to work today and printed out a new one. ;)
I woke up at 6:45 this morning and met Emily at the park with the dogs and went jogging for about half an hour. We've done this three times this week and it makes me SO HAPPY to start my day out that way.
I have tracked my food and fitness on sparkpeople every day this week, I have joined a team where we save money to pamper ourselves and in two days I have about 2.50 for each goal. Today at work we are having a "Hungry Girl" Potluck and I am really excited about it. I've managed to get at least 6 of my coworkers on sparkpeople, and I am pleased with the resulting obsessions.
Tonight I really want to ride my bike, and i have checks to deposit, so I am going to ride my bike down to the Washington Mutual... I just googled it, it's only a mile and a half - I can do that! I am excited to start switching my thinking over to "can I ride my bike there?" every time I want to go somewhere.
I have dinner in the crockpot (a spark people recipe) and not very many things on my to do list for today. I am looking forward to an evening at home with my cross stitch and catching up on Top Chef.

I am supposed to start a life drawing class in two weeks. I don't know if I will be taking it. I can't see fitting another thing into my schedule. I don't know. I think I will drop it. It will only put off this particular goal for 4 months, and there is an overwhelming feeling of relief when I think about not having to be out of the house Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday AND Thursday til 9:30pm.

This weekend I am looking forward to: sunshine, warmth, cross stitching, hanging out with Robert on Sunday and having enforced do-nothing-time, riding my bike, and doing the bolsa chica cleanup on Monday. Woohoo.

can't..keep...eyes...open...

I wonder how many of my blog posts start out with 'geeez I'm tired...' - well, add one to that number, because GEEEEZ I AM TIRED! I don't want my list to be the focus of this post, but I am so tired I need to write it down to clear my mind. Today: work, then go home, put clothes in washer, pick up adam's uniform, take it to the dry cleaners. Pick up the uniform that is there, and while I'm at it, see about altering my charlotte russe pants. On the way home, deposit checks. Once I am at home, clean the sink and mirrors real quick, see about making dinner, move laundry to the dryer, water the garden, feed the fish, do 10 minutes of exercise and work on adam's white tshirts. Tomorrow morning Emily will meet me at 7 to go running, I also need to bring karate clothes to work. After running and work, I need to go to the dry cleaners, pick up adam's uniform, then go to julie's to work on the chairs. After the chairs is karate, and after karate I need to pick up whatever I'll need to make food for the potluck on friday.

okay. My head is on a little straighter. I am so tired that it is WORK to hold my eyes open. Only two more hours here at work then I can go do things. Then I can sleep. Ohh how I am looking forward to sleep. It's Day 3 of a 6 month goal - hopefully Adam's gig papers will get easier and won't require two people to stay up til 2am ever again. I can't even imagine how he must be feeling today on only two hours of sleep.

My mom's white hat is still in the works - this weekend I will finish it. I also need to list more of my ceramics and take photos of my crocheted blanket! I love finishing something as big as a blanket - what a great feeling. As soon as I get some sleep and other half-done projects under my belt, I am going to start a new quilt. Especially if I sell that calking mattress and have a queen sized bed to make things for....

it started out tired and ended up inspired

Oh man oh man oh man. I just keep getting more tired. Last night, despite the best of intentions, I didn't make it to bed til 11pm. Adam had so much stuff he had to do - I don't know how any of the other police cadettes can make it through the academy without at least one other person helping them. I spent the night hemming his tshirts and cutting all the "Irish Pendants" (little hanging strings) off his uniform.

Amber and Chris also came over and brought Amber's computer desk for me! YAY! Now I have a real computer desk, our dining room table is back in the main room, and I am that much closer to an organized art space. I really, seriously, desperately want to sell the calking mattress so I can get a new bed. All of my plans hinge on having a queen sized bed!!!

Anyways, yesterday I made lunches, made dinner, did dishes, fed fish and dog, took out trash, watered garden, cleaned the bookshelves, organized some of the boxes in my art room, hemmed one of adam's shirts, cleaned the threads off of one of his shirts, and did an ab video.

Tonight the plan is work - decorate my coworker's office for her bday, go to Julie's and paint chairs, go to karate, then pick up coworker's gift certificate, put laundry in dryer, fold laundry, make lunches, cut up little soaps, bring in the trashcans, water the garden, wash and put away the dishes.

This blog has turned into my giant grocery list of to-do - which I apologize for. I am sure you are interested in my thoughts and opinions and ideas and stuff... but I am SUCH a mess at my own organization that I need to use every tool possible to help KEEP me organized. The inside of my head pretty much looks like these blog posts lately anyway. Lists and lists and lists and lists.

I feel - successful, I guess. A little on the tired side, but successful - not creative, successful. It's a strange feeling. Waking up early to do the things I need to get done - no time to stay up late and paint, but, when I get enough sleep I don't need that outlet anyway. I am watching less TV also, actually, which I am really happy about. I am getting pleasure out of the small things - books in a row and the sound of the fishtank and of course my doggydog following me around the house while I put things away. I am enjoying my home. I am enjoying being there for someone else without thought of what I am getting out of it. I am enjoying cooking tremendously - nothing gourmet, just making something filling and healthy out of raw ingredients has been filling me to the brim with satisfaction and joy. Feeding Amber and Adam my split pea soup the other night was blissful.

Other things I am excited about are getting my internship/volunteer program at work off the ground. I work for a nonprofit, and see HUGE potential for our internship program - and I finally have the interns to do it. I am so excited. I've been spending a lot of my time at work redoing the old material, interviewing, going to internship fairs, etc. Based on the interviews I've conducted this week, it does seem to have paid off.

Let's see - all my idealistic interns have me excited about THE NATIONAL DAY OF SERVICE - January 19th, which I will definitely be participating in!!! I can't even tell you the thrill I felt when I saw the email subject in my inbox "Your call to service." THAT my friends, is what patriotism feels like! If you haven't heard about it - go to USAService.org to find out more. Or if you email me, I will forward you Michelle Obama's video. Anyways - I will be at the Bolsa Chica Wetlands on January 19th from 9am-12pm helping to clean up and do my part for our country! YAY VOLUNTEERING! YAY!!!

That is truly amazing to me - yet another reason why I voted for the Obamas and why I am still so thankful that they won that I get tears in my eyes just thinking about it. They rallied a country together for the election, with massive donations and people coming out of the woodwork all over. We all marveled at how they were catalysts. Here's proof - they are using their amazing cat-herding momentum for the good of our planet. I am in love with our presidential family, love that they serve, volunteer, and are so connected to community. I love that they are providing the tools, resources, and drive for other people to do the same thing. The president should be a damn near perfect human being, and the presedential family should be exemplary as well. I finally, finally feel like we found people I want to model in behavior, actions, and ideals.

So go serve. January 19th, the day before the inauguration and MLK day. It's going to be a good day.

ohhh so tired..

Still going strong with sparkpeople. It sure has been motivating - making sure I at least do ten minutes a day, which always leads to more. I have been randomly finding ab videos on youtube and doing one of those each night, which is fun because it's variation on the same thing, ya know?

This morning I set my alarm for 6:45 so I could get up and do some chores and go running before work. I was mostly successful! I did my chores...but only went running for about 15 minutes. But still, I DID IT. And it was nice - really warm, windy, and sunny outside this morning.

I AM IN A TREASURY thanks to Michael Thantrong!! WOOHOO! http://www.etsy.com/treasury_list.php?room_id=32619

Today was Adam's first day of Police Academy. I have no idea what I am going home to!

saturday saturday saturday

Today has been going in strange fits and bursts. Slept in til 9am, which was nice... had a very leisurely morning. Then went out for sushi with Adam, and got home and have been cleaning up and organizing my art supply room ever since.

Organizing my art supply room is an incredible challenge. I've been reading a bunch of de-clutter, organizing books in preparation... so I decided that I need to do it in small stages. Today I took two trash bags - one was trash and one was giveaways, and went through the room to get rid of either of those two things. I did a pretty good job - emptied a drawer and a bunch of plastic tubs. There's some actual counter space! I think the next big job is going to involve buying a few larger bookshelves to store everything, so they aren't in cardboard boxes all over the floor.

Have I mentioned that I have discovered cooking grains and legumes? I am addicted. I love boiling up a pot of barley or lentils, and adding something else to it and having that for a very filling, healthisome meal. I was reading a message board on sparkpeople.com about cutting costs, and I was realizing that decreasing the meat intake by using grains and legumes like that is actually a good way to save money. I've been getting WAY better at just buying ONE zucchini and ONE squash which we will *definitely* eat, rather than buying 4 and having 2 of them go bad. For the last week and a half I have always had a big pan of roasted veggies cooked, with some grains, and I grilled some chicken and have some ham so Adam can add meat to it also. I am sure I will get tired of that same grilled veggie taste, but right now I'm a fan. Last week the main herb was rosemary, this week I did thyme.

I am loving being involved with sparkpeople. I set it as my homepage so any time I get online I am reminded about the different little goals I've set for myself.
I posted an add for the calking mattress we're trying to sell on craigslist, again... this is driving me crazy. It's a GOOD mattress - we've had it less than a year. It's just to damn big for our house, and I want to get rid of it so I can get a smaller bed, but nooo one is buying it. Geez. Only 350 for a calking here people!

As soon as I get rid of that bed, I can get a queen and actually make blankets and quilts and even put the round chair in the bedroom which will clear up more space in the art supply room, and we can work on getting a new couch and coffee table and a puppy and.....
So many projects. So not enough time. Or money. And now I am rambling.
Time to get out some crocheting.

ugh

biopsy: wow, that sucked. I never, ever, ever want to do anything like that again.

Hobling back to bed very soon. Watching Miracle......again. Wish my body didn't hate me. What to do? Knit? Sleep? Or cross stitch? Wish I had a book. Or some company. I have the best dog in the world and very entertaining fish.

Yes I am a wuss, my friends. However - I did all of this on my own today (read: biopsy, driving there, passing out, throwing up, getting prescription, getting food, driving home). Know why? Cuz that's what adults do, that's why.

today

tonight - I picked up tshirts for bowling blast (work), went to the grocery store, went home, made chicken/bellpepper/onion kebabs, grilled them, swept, wrapped up joel's bags, did dishes, cleaned the fridge, watered the garden, made asparagus, went to karate, went to the gym and went swimming.

Now I am tired. very, very tired. I believe it is time for bed. I bought a bunch of barley, lentils, and split peas at the store - I am suddenly very excited about cooking grains and legumes. The lentils I made the other day - plain old lentils with nothing in them - have been hitting the spot all week. I can't wait for barley.

I drank all my water today, got some exercise, and kept up with sparkpeople. I kept up with house chores and remembered to hang my keys on my new hook so I don't spend ten minutes every day looking for them. I remember Char always saying that success is a series of small good habits practiced every day. So all these little things- remembering to hang up my keys and water the garden.....success. All success.

the post that's taken me 5 hours to write and post!

Got home last night and Adam was already asleep. Poor guy. He's beat. I stayed up til about 11 puttering around and doing the things on my list. I am not burning with quite the fervor I was, but I think it's just because I'm hungry. My goal is to make it for two weeks doing this taskpane stuff on outlook and the sparkpeople. In two weeks I am allowed to change my goals, but I want to give it enough time for habits to develop.

http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage.asp?id=ROYABOYA is my sparkpage. If you are at all interested in doing anything like this - join up (it's free) and add me or befriend me or something! It's a very cool site.

I made these bowls for a custom order last night. I may have broken my spinning wheel in the process. I am afraid to even look. I need to download an Ashford template or something and relearn my wheel. I can use it, but not optimally.

Tonight after I get off work I am going to run to the grocery store, buy brown rice, skewers, some veggies - go home and grill the chicken, feed the fish, sweep the house, package Joel's bowls, then go to karate. After karate I am dropping off the bowls at Julie's, then coming home and running with Adam at 9. I am going to water the garden, feed the dog, and maybe work on my mom's white hat. Then tonight I think I get to sleep early!!! WOOHOO!
Other things I can always work on: putting photos in my jewelry box, cleaning off the dresser, organizing the art supply room.
Tomorrow is the doctor's appointment, and maybe lunch with Jake Matilsky (!!!!) and then dealing with the afteraffects of the doctor's appointment.

I am kind of tired, but still motivated to keep going with my to do list. I think I am literally just not getting enough sleep, so as long as I fix that, I should be good to go. Emily and I are talking about starting to go to the gym early before work next week, which would be wonderful. We shall see.

tired at 10:30pm

proud of:

doing every single thing on my list tonight, and then some. The only thing that is left is photographing and listing Joel's felted bowls, but they are busy felting right now so I can't do it anyway! I even hauled my shivering self out to the backyard and watered the garden...complete in my eskimo-eewok-old-timey-flighter-pilot hat from tia julie.

tomorrow I work, have karate, and deliver the bowls. I also want to learn how to do the tassles I want to make for the white hat my mom ordered. I also want to put away dishes, eat leftovers, and make some progress on organizing my art supply room.

one day I will also sleep.

Ooh, tonight I went to Julie's, finished sanding one chair and did the primer. I am SO EXCITED to actually start painting. I will start on that this weekend. I should start logging hours, too -to see exactly how long each piece takes. So far buying paint took about 1 1/2 hours, I sanded and primed for another 2 1/2. Both are slightly overestimated.

Adam got home and fell asleep. We were going to run tonight - now I need to do ten minutes of some sort of exercise without him so I can cross that off my sparkpeople goal list too. Then, bed!

January blog carnival post

While I am at it, let's do some blog carnival posting, ja? ja!
This month the topic is...
1) What are your new year's goals for your blog and/or shop

How timely, eh? I have so many goals I don't even know where to start. I think this post is going to be in grocery-list form, just because there are a lot I want to remember to post. So without further ado, here are my etsy/blog related goals!
1. Be better organized about my listings - put info label on bottom of ceramics, for example.
2. Put more information for ceramics, including how much liquid they hold (get ounces or is cups enough?)
3. Work on a new series of cups - the "possible lives" cups and the "things to do before I die" cups
4. Make soap with Amber
5. Make ceramic soap dishes
6. Make felted coin purses with needle felting tools
7. Have booth at farmers market
8. Organize my computer photos - take from laptop and work computer and put on home computer, organized by etsy>big category>item
9. Put blog carnival dates on my calendar so I do BOTH carnivals a month instead of just one
10. Do more themed photo shoots - e.g. ceramics with candy hearts inside, for vday, etc.
11. Work on a portfolio - using Julie's project as a start, and other photos of pieces I am proud of
12. Acquire potters wheel (from Wilhelms?)
13. Acquire kiln...or place to fire...
14. Use portfolio to sell pieces in stores such as Art4theSoul and Fern's Garden
15. Write more about the processes of doing things here on my blog, including in-process photos!
16. Put in bookshelves in my art supply room so that I can organize my materials better.


I don't think any of these goals are new, exactly - but it sure is nice to have them all in one place to look at. I am making some progress on some of them, but definitely need to step it up a notch. Amber and I need to order lye for soap (we can't buy it in California...) and organizing photos is something I just need to remember to do a little of every day.

Some of my etsy fervor might have to be placed on hold for a little while in the upcoming months. My boyfriend is about to start Police Academy, and the last two days I had a little glimpse of exactly what that's going to take for me to be supportive. Nothing horrible - I just forsee making all of his lunches, picking up his drycleaning, and doing all of the household chores that he did, in addition to my usual housecleaning, a Life Drawing class, karate, work, etc. I am also planning on getting a puppy sometime - I think the next month or so is going to be a period of great adjustment, and I am going to just have to see how it all works out.

I am actually looking forward to being strong, staunch, supportive, etc. When he decided to go for this job that required police academy, we talked a lot about what it would entail from both of us, and I definitely agreed to go along with him and do everything I needed to do to help him succeed. This mostly involves staying out of his way and not asking ANYTHING of him. That's going to take a little getting used to - but in a strange way, I am looking forward to reclaiming some self sufficiency. He will be getting nothing but discipline at boot camp, and I am eagerly anticipating some increased discipline in my own life as well. I need to be dependable. I can't say that I will pick up his dress uniform from the dry cleaners and then forget, for example. Who knows how many pushups that would make his whole team end up doing.

I have it in me. I know I do. I'm nervous and excited though, both for him and for me. I have a few really big projects coming up that will consume a lot of my energy, but I know I am going to miss him. I just have to put that off for 6 months. Some of my other goals involve making sure our home is still a warm, welcoming home to come to after 10 hours of getting his butt kicked by the academy. I also have my academic goals and my professional goals that will definitly not get lost either.

Today I figured out a new organizational tool I am going to use, and I have included etsy goals, housekeeping/cleaning/errands, work related things, and other stuff. I am inspired all over again. We can do it! Hoooooray!

etsybloggers team - featured blogger!

One of the neat things about being a part of this etsy bloggers team is getting exposed to folks that you might not have seen before - reading random people's blogs, getting a chance to feel like you're walking in their shoes for a while. And it's funny how all these totally random people from totally random places and experiences all can feel like they are relevant to YOU. I always find something about each one that I can really connect with.

This month's featured etsy bloggers team blogger is Rose Works Jewelry. I was reading her blog, and she was making a very proud announcement about her new shob - KSjewelery. KS stands for Kindred Spirits...know the phrase? I sure do. I am not an avid reader of Lucy Maud Montgomery for nothing!!!

In any case, in addition to her also being an Anne fan, and a much-beloved etsian, she also is a prolific blogger and has received oodles and oodles of awards and recognition for her blogs. So please oh please, go check out RoseWorksJewelry, her blog, and her new shop KSjewelry!

allergies and ceramics

So the itchiness saga continues. I went to the doctor today again. He upped one dosage, and prescribed another medication which will help with the side effects of the first one, also he gave me another antihistamine. Allergy testing and a biopsy on Friday. woohoo.

In other news, I brought home a few more boxes of ceramics that I made at IFAC. Here are some of the photos - I've listed four of them on etsy, but there are definitely more to follow!

itchiness

Ever since I was a little kid, after I'd get a bad cold, I would end up with a case of hives. They'd drive me crazy for about a day and a half, eventually I'd take benadryl, fall asleep, and wake up fine. No one could ever figure out why I did it, but other than insane-itchiness, it never seemed to cause any other harm.

Well, I have been getting over a cold, and, true to form, the hives resurfaced. That was four days ago. Last night was the worst - I did everything, benadryl, oatmeal bath, creams and salves and ice, etc. I finally reacted to the antihistimines and fell asleep - but DREAMT that I had an allergic reaction to the Lion that was feeding me birds nest soup on Top Chef, and itched til I woke up, then I itched some more. It was so bad that I went to Urgent Care - except MY urgent care was closed with no sign of life, so I went to the one I used to go to in Long Beach. Well, as luck would have it, I am in between insurances (literally in between - we had open enrollment last week, so I am done with one, enrolled in another, but just don't have the CARD or the NUMBER yet) so they wouldn't see me at that urgent care. I went down the street to another, where they'd take cash. A few hours and a pushy doctor later, they gave me a cortison shot (biggest shot I've ever seen, it was like a cartoon. ouch) and a prescription.
I stopped and got pho on the way home, and am still itching, waiting, waiting for that horribly painful shot to be worth something.

I am too distracted to cross stitch, too itchy to knit, my hands and fingers are swollen, and I don't know what to do!
So this has been my life the past few days - rotating from couch to bed to bathtub to towel to robe to towel to pajama pants. I've read the Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood, and watched countless episodes of Friends. I am going out of my mind with the itchiness!
So where are you folks when I need you, eh? Distract me!!!

at my aunt's, talking about good books - the ones you go back every few years and revisit and they are not only as good as you remember, but full of even more layers and intricacies than you were able to fully understand when you were younger. My books that fall into that category are...The Great Gatsby, to Kill a Mockingbird, and A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. Marvelous books, timeless books, amazing books that never, ever, ever let me down.

still have hives, and I am kind of conjested, but definitely better than I was. Starting the planning phase of Julie's Furniture - I am SO EXCITED for this project!!!

Last night Adam and I went out to dinner with my mom, dad, and sister, Roxana. Then we went back to their house and played spades til well past midnight. It was so much fun - and made even better by it's impromptu-ness and the fact that there was no obligation of a holiday or birthday or anything behind it. We all genuinely wanted to be there...it was nice to see my dad being so friendly with my boyfriend.

ok have to go. later.

Happy New Years!

Well, I am sicker than ever, but last night ended up being a lot of fun. My cousin and her boyfriend came over last night and played games, we went and got food, then played Spades for a long time. Some friends came over and we all joked around til midnight and it was nice and celebratory and at my house! Which was exactly what I wanted.

I re-discovered cross stitching, which is both good and bad. I love to cross stitch, it's very soothing, but also very time consuming. Plus, it's from someone else's pattern, so I can't sell it on etsy or anything. I am having to remember that I am allowed to *make* things for the sake of making them, rather than to sell them. So that's what I've been doing today and yesterday,and the day before...

My mom actually ordered a hat from me, and so did my sister, but they want to pick out the yarn themselves. So once they get me that I'll work on them. Also a coworker wants me to make her a scarf, but she's already got the yarn, so I'm waiting on that project also. As soon as I am not sick, I'll be working on my Aunt's tables and chairs...have I mentioned this project yet? It will be HUGE. I'll write more later.

I got a fish tank for christmas, and we have a bunch of very aggressive fish. It's an event every time we feed them, and I love it. Its so homey. I love my home. I'm getting to the point where I'd always, always, always rather be here. Rebecca called that "nesting." And I am totally doing that. I wish I had the energy to get up and actively nest - you know, make things prettier. But right now I am in my new pink soft fluffy robe and I am going to go back and enjoy my couch and my living room and my cross stitching. Happy New Years everyone!!