craft fair

Yesterday I drove up to a friend's apartment and we went together to Los Feliz to a little backyard craft fair. It was really fun, and re-inspired me all over again. It was full of the most hipstery of hipsters, and I was just glad I was wearing a cute dress. I bought a really pretty felted flower necklace, I'll post her blog up here when I get home and find her business card. She was super nice, and talked to me a lot about her experience selling stuff.

I came home inspired all over again and got out my needle-felting materials, worked on some coin purses and started making rings! I'm excited to have more projects!

This week has been hectic for me. I haven't been as ahead-of-the-game school-wise as I like to be. My house is starting to get messy again. I'd love 2 or 3 solid days at home - I would wake up in the morning and do schoolwork for 2 or 3 hours, then get up and do dog care and housework, and still have time to do my cross stitch. That sounds just about perfect.

Instead - today I work and am going straight from here to the gym on CSULB campus. From there I have 6 hours of class. I got up early and took the dog out this morning. When I get home, I'd like to do dishes and empty the bathroom trash.

Tomorrow I have my first personal therapy appt (required by degree) and I am really looking forward to it. I am also going to take my sister-in-law on a tour of CSULB because she just got accepted. I can't wait to show her the awesomeness that is the new rec center.

----there's a baby in the office right now. I have done NO work. I now want to quit everything everything everything and just have babies. Is that so wrong?----

ok. back to work.

free earrings!

I've decided to give away 20 pairs of my crocheted earrings. The idea is that if you receive one of these pairs and wear them around, people will say things like "gee whiz, what an awesome pair of earrings!" and you will say something resembling "thanks! I love them! You can get a pair at royaboya.etsy.com" and then when that person buys a pair of earrings, I will send you $1.00 for every pair from each buyer who says YOU sent them!

If you are interested, send me an email at royaboya@earthlink.net and I will send you a pair of FREE HANDMADE EARRINGS

earrings and a little bit of daily life

A taste of some of the newest earrings I've made. They are all posted at royaboya.etsy.com and royaboya.weebly.com


Today I dyed my hair, cut my hair (yay bangs), made earrings, read a chapter, picked up a desk and set up a new office area - where I am typing to you from! It's a great desk with a hutch perfect for storing all of the zillions of textbooks I had no room for.

Still to come this evening - laundry, watering the back lawn, feeding the dogs, reading 1 more chapter, working on my paper, eating dinner, doing a load of dishes. I think it can be done! Adam is working late tonight because of the weather - he is on fire watch at Griffith Park. Hey people - when you throw your cigarette into the grass, it's MY husband who gets to work late. Dispose properly! heh.

snapshot.

I am sitting on the floor beside my bed. The ceiling fan is on the 2nd setting. Adam is snoring, in bed behind me. Chris is in the computer room. His brother, David, arrived here from Vegas where he lives now, about 20 minutes ago. I had just finished watching an episode of Sons of Anarchy when he arrived. Our biggest dog, Rommel, is asleep next to the front door. Our other dog, Juno, is in the backyard because she's in heat. Every time I look out the bathroom window she is looking back at me. I'm awake at 12:53 in the morning. I am slowly adding bullet points to a paper that is due Thursday night, and I have done enough schoolwork today that I could go to bed totally satisfied. I have been restless for most of the day. I want to dye my hair and cut it. I want to buy new furniture. I want to paint the walls in my bedroom. I want to buy new shoes and clothes.

Tomorrow I am picking up a desk I found on craigslist, and dying my hair. Other things will have to wait, maybe until after grad school is over.

Tonight I read about Gestalt therapy, I read 150 pages of the DSM-IV-TR desk reference, and 3 articles about diagnosing. I worked an 8 hour day at Project Independence. I ate wonton soup, stir fry, rice, baked chips, gummy bears, two diet snapples, peanut butter and banana sandwich, crispy ranch chicken and spinach. I made all of it (except the snapples, gummy bears, and chips). Tomorrow I am going to cook swedish pancakes.

Right now I am going to get clothes out of the dryer and then lay down and try to sleep. My eyes are tired, but my mind is still going. I think this is what happens when you have caffeine.

Adam's dad gave me the guitar that used to belong to Adam's mom. It hasn't been played since she died. I tuned it carefully. It has a mixture of nylon and steel strings. I looked up chords for folk and country songs on my laptop and sang Adam to sleep while he read the 2nd to the last book in the Sword of Truth series. Tomorrow Chris and David are going to play disc golf. Adam is going to work. I will do many, many things.

new website

I made a new website to sell my stuff!!!

http://royaboya.weebly.com/index.html

go look!!!! tell me what you think. Feedback would be great!

getting ready for the rest of my life

It's sunday night. I'm sitting on the floor of my living room. Adam is asleep on the small couch right behind me. Chris is on the big couch. The two dogs are in the doorway to our bedroom, but sometimes they get up and eat a few bites of food in the kitchen. Chris is watching animal channel something about polar bears and seals. I was originally going to sit in here and do some advanced reading in my textbooks, but the light is off and now that Adam is asleep I don't want to turn it back on.

It's 8:30 and I have porkchops in the crockpot. I sauted spinach, and made brown rice. I bought produce from Sprouts today with Rosie, after we got done at the gym. I have chopped things and divided things into baggies for the rest of the week. I made my lunches and dinners for the next two days. I did most of the laundry - just have one load in the dryer. I laid out my clothes for exercise tomorrow morning, then for work. I've checked my email, I've labeled my textbooks. I've updated my calendar and my food tracking on sparkpeople. I've fed the dogs. I've made the bed.

I'm a little nervous. I am trying to make up for this feeling of unease by overpreparing. Tomorrow I work from 8:30am until 12:30pm, then come home and train Juno, and then go to CSULB for my first day of grad school. Tomorrow I am taking classes with the textbooks: Intentional Interviewing and Counseling, Culturally Relevant Ethical Decision-Making in counseling, Issues and Ethics in the Helping Professions, and the DSM-IV-TR.

I woke up this morning with a headache and sore throat. I went back to sleep for about 3 hours, took ibuprofen, and drank tea. But the thing that made me feel the best was the hour I spent at the gym. I really need to remember this.

I wish I'd thought to clean out my car today. I get more easily overwhelmed when my car is full of stuff. I will need to keep my spaces well-organized. My dresser is doing pretty good - it's my "grab and go" pile - where I leave textbooks, current project, and gym bag.

What I will be taking with me tomorrow:
Phone
4 textbooks
2 notebooks
my life planner
laptop and cords
purse
workout shoes and socks
breakfast, lunch and dinner
water bottle
pens, highlighter

ok. I am going to go get the last load of laundry out of the garage, put away the food, soak the crockpot, make tea, take a vitamin, and go to bed early and start reading Intentional Interviewing and Counseling.

earrings!

I've been crocheting little earrings lately - I love them! They're so wonderful and vibrant! I've been wearing them around every day. I make them with embroidery floss, and nickel-free hooks, and I can make them in sooo many color combos it's great. I've only just begun! I have these pairs up for sale on my etsy site today!

wedding prep photos

now that people have seen me in my wedding dress, at my wedding (!!!!!!!) I can start posting the pretty prep pictures ;)

13 days..

I have been remiss in my blogging duties here on blogspot - but a lot of what I'm doing is on my wedding website blog


We also have engagement photos up!

13 days til the wedding. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Briefly, briefly --

spent a week on Santa Barbara Island. Came back sunburned and full of strength and resolve. Renewing gym membership tonight and swimming.

Will post photos once I have some.

registered for classes!

I registered for my first semester back at California State University, Long Beach today! Starting on August 30th I will be taking 5 classes in my pursuit of a Masters of Science in Counseling and a Marriage and Family Therapy License!

Mondays
4-7 COUN 513
7-10 COUN 510

Wednedays
7-10 COUN 515

Thursdays
4-7 EDP 400
7-10 COUN 508 A

the numbers don't mean much to me yet - I can't wait til they do. I'm excited. The only bummer is the Wednesday night class, which will be at the same time as the Lightbulb Mouth Show. This is very sad. But I will just not work on Thursdays, and still go out for after-show fun those nights.

Exciting!!!

catching up

Hello blogging world, it's been a while since I've posted. I have been project-ed-out. I was on a 7 day trip to Mexico with 38 people for whom I was in charge of - it was a long long week. I got back and was sick for a few days, and have been busy ever since.

I am getting married in 81 days! Between now and then I am working as staff on a week long trip to Santa Barbara Island, it's my dads birthday, Adam's birthday, and my sister in law's birthday (we go camping for hers every year), I am going from this full time job to working full time at a daycare and part time at this job, and having a wedding shower and bachelorette party. Then I get married, have a honeymoon, get back and start school!

I applied and got into CSULB's Marriage and Family Therapy program. I'll get my Masters in Counseling. It's a two year program and I am really, really, really excited to start. While I'm doing that I will be working here at PI, but part-time, which will be a good change.

I go every Wednesday to the Basement in Long Beach where I feel like a part of something magic - The Lighbulb Mouth Radio Hour. I am 1/3 (and sometimes 2/5) related to the house band, and the rest of them are rapidly turning into my best friends. I have more live music and poetry in my life than I'd had in the past and that makes Roya a happy girl.

Adam found white, tamed pigeons on the side of the road the day before yesterday, so now we have pigeons! And a pigeon hutch. Along with our two german shepherds and fish tank. My cousin Alex and I are going to raise chickens this summer.

My garden is gardening - something is eating the cauliflower, but I had a salad made from the lettuce from my garden last week and it was excellent. I have baby squash, tonnns of volunteer tomato plants but no fruit yet, and buds on the peppers! The grapes are starting also.

Phew. That's my life, really quick like. :p Time to get back to work!

my new mosaics

my new coffee table, and some frames that I made this week.

some recent ceramics

summary

Finished tia Julie's 3rd chair, and working on the 4th! Finished invitations, just waiting for Adam's guest list approval. Had an excellent morning with the fiance, my cousin wrote me a poem, had a great conversation with gretchen, marina is visiting on friday, lightbulb mouth is tonight, and all in all, I'm feeling good.

Googling Lorenzo

My cousin Alex and I are doing this napowrimo thing, where we write one poem a day for the month of april. He wrote this one about me today, and it's ridiculously sweet and full of inside info and awww my cousin.

Googling Lorenzo


Roya Sorooshian Tafti
with your saturn's ring mind
and predilections for onions and sumac
spinner of plates
knitter of mittens
washer of park ranger socks
giver of autistic smiles
and down syndrome claps of joy

listen:
oh tormentor of the scalp
those are not freckles on your face
but your persian soul oozing out
seeking desert
or at the very least
a thermostat reset

you found love
on the back of a motorcycle
and it wasn't lorenzo lamas
(yes I realize you are far too young to get that reference
I'll wait
while you
google him
...
...
...
...
...
yes
he is quite handsome)
but thats ok
lamas couldn't make you happy anyway
and you found your own renegade
sans wise indian side kick
(for now)

oh keeper of fancy nancy
the light bulb never shined so bright
until you
and
alaska is empty without you
and
the point is
i'm glad
you are
who you are
(what a reckless way to say I love you)

quotations for the chair

Imagination is more important than knowledge...
Albert Einstein

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.
Aristotle

Find out who you are and do it on purpose.
Dolly Parton

Whoever is happy will make others happy, too.
Anne Frank

Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at it destination full of hope.
Maya Angelou

Life was meant to be lived, and curiosity must be kept alive. One must never, for whatever reason, turn his back on life.
Eleanor Roosevelt

Art is a lie that makes us realize truth.
Pablo Picasso

project to dos

Yesterday I glazed some cups that I'd kept since I threw them - in 2005. Holy cow. (hahaha I just typed "holy cowl" which actually makes more sense than a spiritual bovine. Ahahaha I'm so tired I'm delirious).

I had about 26 cups, some of which I'd drawn or written on first in high fire glaze pencil, and so I have nooo idea how they will turn out. I'm looking forward to seeing it tho. I threw a few small flower pots - I'd like to throw a bunch more and line my wedding with them. Maybe even give them to folks as favors. We shall see.

I have Sat/Sun/Mon off work - debating starting some clay projects at home since I'd have time to work on them and let them dry, and work some more. I'd like to make some platters for food for the wedding also.

I'm so tired today that I am having trouble going far in one direction of thought.

My garden is doing well - except for the same damn corner of onions that Juno keeps ripping up. I finally left it - that's her garden now, I guess.

I need to make a list of projects and materials I need to purchase for these projects, and prioritize. I've got Julie's chairs, Tulip's dog sweater, my wedding, my garden - as the biggies. Tulips dog sweater I just need to do a little research, sit down, and knit the damn thing. I don't think it'll take THAT long. Julie's chair - I need to print fish, and then finish this one. Then I'll tackle the next one. The garden - I want more plants, I need to string up beans, finish painting the fence, and buy a hose for the backyard. The wedding - finish invites, (buy envelopes, stamps), favors (buy catalyst, resin, magnets), collect glass jars, make ceramics. And also - I want to buy a cheap coffee table and mosaic it in the next month. We're doing a mosaic workshop at work and I want to use it as an example. Also, I hate our current coffee table.

So that's all from me, for now.

bucket list

I stole this from my facebook from a while ago - I thought maybe I'll elaborate and put some stories under some of them. We'll see.



The Bucket List. Place an X by all the things you've done and remove the X from the ones you have not.

Things you have done during your lifetime:
( ) Seen the Taj Mahal
( ) been inside the Pyramids in Egypt
( ) been around the world by Boat
nope, but that was something my very first boyfriend and I wanted to do together.
( ) been to Jumbo the floating restaurant in Hong Kong
( ) seen the Alamo
( ) Gone on a blind date
(X) Skipped school
homeschooled. beat that.
( ) Watched someone die
(X) Been to Canada
Adam and I drove to and from Alaska, so we spent some time in Canada. We loved BC, beautiful, amazingly nice people. I liked the Yukon. We stayed at this one campground that served breakfast in the morning - hands down the best bacon I have ever had. I've had dreams about that bacon. On the way home we stopped in Vancouver to say hi to my old friend Tenay.
(X ) Been to Mexico
On a cruise with my Grandma when I was in 4th grade. I'm going back on a cruise there in May with my clients.
(X) Been to Florida
spent a week there at Walt Disney World resort before going to the Bahamas with work.
(X ) Jumped off a cliff (I'm counting the dock on Santa Barbara Island)
I'm still counting it. It was very very very high up. I did it once, I was so scared I couldn't get up to stand on the piling and Kurt (our lifeguard/photographer) had to help me. I remember how much it hurt my arms to slap the water going down. I remember being so adrenaline buzzed from it that I ran up the ladder and jumped off again before I even knew what I was doing. Kurt got a great picture of me doing that.
( ) Bungee jump
( ) para sailed
I was supposed to go Parasailing in the Bahamas but it was too windy. boo.
( ) Been to Hawaii
(X) Been on a plane
( ) Flown a plane
(X ) Been on a helicopter (I was airlifted for an earthquake prep thing once)
(X) Been lost (hah. and hah. and hah some more).
( ) Gone to Washington, DC
(X) Swam in the ocean
(X) Cried yourself to sleep
() Played cops and robbers
(X) Recently colored with crayons
(X) Sang Karaoke
(X) Paid for a meal with coins only (Marina, remember McDonalds and Mary Poppins?)
( ) Been to the top of the St. Louis Arch (been under it)
( ) been to New York City at Xmas time
(X) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't
( X) Made prank phone calls
My favorite was when I was at Zac and Alex's (my cousins) house in Signal Hill, and I called one of their friends, and said nothing but the address. About an hour later, he showed up at the front door with a case of beer. It was hysterical.
( ) Been down Bourbon Street in New Orleans
( X) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose & elsewhere
(X) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
(X) Danced in the rain
(X) Written a letter to Santa Claus
This was the first year I've ever done that. Adam asked me to, so I did.
( ) Been kissed under the mistletoe
(X) Watched the sunrise with someone
(X) Blown bubbles
(X) Gone ice-skating
(X) Gone to the movies
( X) Been deep sea fishing (halibut in Alaska)
(X) Driven across the United States (driven up the west coast, and trained across to the midwest so I am counting it also)
( ) Been in a hot air balloon
( ) Been sky diving
( ) Gone snowmobiling
( ) Lived in more than one country
(X) Lay down outside at night and admired the stars
(X) Seen a falling star and made a wish
( ) Enjoyed the beauty of Old Faithful Geyser
(X ) Been on a cruise
(X) Traveled by train
( X) Traveled by motorcycle
Adam has a Harley Sportster that we took up to Santa Cruz and back. 12 hours on the back of a motorcycle sure does a number on you. It was beautiful, though. I rode with the camera strap around my neck and the camera down my shirt so that it was easy to stop the bike and take a photo.
(X) Been horse back riding
(X ) Ridden on a San Francisco CABLE CAR
(X) Been to Disney World
( ) Truly believed in the power of prayer
( ) Been in a rain forest
(X) Seen whales in the ocean
( ) Been to Niagara Falls
(X) Ridden on an elephant.
(X ) Swam with dolphins
( X) Been to the Olympics (I was sort of in my mother's stomach at the time)
( ) Walked on the Great Wall of China
( ) Saw and heard a glacier crack (ok, not exactly, but I went inside a glacier that had a sign that said "death eminent" on it. does that count?)
( ) Been spinnaker flying (lived on Spinnaker bay...can I count that? ;))
( ) Been water-skiing
( ) Been snow-skiing
( ) Been to Westminster Abbey
( ) Been to the Louvre
( ) Swam in the Mediterranean
(X ) Been to a Major League Baseball game
( ) Been to a National Football League game
( ) Been to a National Hockey League game
( X) Ever been skinny-dipping
(X ) Laugh so hard you cry
(X) Follow a map for treasure
( ) Drive a dune buggy
( X) Get lost in East L.A. after dark
( ) Got a Tattoo

busy busy busy

today - ack. Busy. Making video for grant. Adorable. Wonderful. Rushing home to clean house before boss sees the mess. Then going to The Basement for the Lightbulb Mouth Radio Hour. What am I going to wear? When will I have time to take out the dog? AH AH AH AH AH.


5 - leave work
5:45 - get home, clean coffee table, vacuum living room
6:00 - take Juno for a walk
6:30 do dishes
7:00 - put on dress, look pretty
7:15 leave

geez louise, this is never gonna work. AHHH

my garden is happening!

My garden! The back row against what looks like the house (but is an empty room we aren't allowed to use) has artichoke, green beans, and cucumbers. I will put up some strings for them to climb later.

Against the white fence closest to the garage we have zucchini and yellow squash. In front of the beans/artichoke there are tomatoes.

In the box closest to the garage there are red onions, spinach, green leaf lettuce, butter lettuce, sweet banana peppers, hot banana peppers, serrano chiles, scallions, and carrots.

In the 2nd box there are strawberries, eggplants and cauliflower. Saving room for jalapenos and other things that strike my fancy later on.

Still want to do an herb spiral, which is why I didn't plant any of my herbs yet. I started sweet pea and delphinium seeds also!

Soooo much love for my garden. Woke up early so I could go outside and stare at it some more.

Yesterday was such a good day - I borrowed Adam's truck for the day, and my dad and I went to Home Depot. I bought the lumber to build the 2nd box, some soil and compost (it kills me to buy compost, but I don't want a compost pile in my backyard this summer because of the wedding), and the peppers/eggplants/strawberries. I built the box all by myself - and spent about 6 hours in the backyard drinking lemonade and listening to harry potter while I dug and planted and tilled and watered. Can't wait to get home and putter in the garden! I need to take Juno out and finish painting the fence - there are some spots that need touching up.

garden is getting there!

I wish I had taken "before" photos of the garden-area, because it looks so dramatically different now! It WAS a corner in the back that was a mess of grape vines, rose bushes, and weeds - and is now a beautiful, weeded, TILLED lot, all ready for planting. I got home last night and Adam had spent his whole day cleaning the yard - including prepping the garden for me. I couldn't believe it. He also finished the fence!!! Now we just have to put it up! I'm SO CLOSE to being able to plant!!!

I am still debating the square foot gardening thing, or using the soil how it is. I can't decide. I'd have to build more boxes since I only have one, and the instant gratification of being able to PLANT NOW is a pretty strong force, buttt... will I be happier in the long run with the boxes? Not sure.

I want to do some "landscaping" while I plant - I want to make it pretty, in addition to fruitful. Not sure how - but maybe making some mosaic stepping stones or something. We shall see!

In any case, I have the best fiance in the whole world.


I am also about 1/3 of the way done with a granny square bag that I am making for my friend Dani. She makes beautiful jewelry, and so we are exchanging the bag for a turquoise/silver ring. This is how the world SHOULD work my friends! Bartering! Yay! I'm having fun on her bag - she took a photo of a bag she liked, and I am re-creating it. I really, really, really enjoy doing that - I did it for my mom with a beanie she saw in a store window. Cell phone cameras are a huge bonus to my work. ;)

As soon as that is done, I will be working on a dog sweater for a coworker. She gave me the dog's current favorite sweater to use as a pattern, so this should be interesting. I've never done any pet stuff before.

Tomorrow my family's coming over to celebrate some birthdays, so tonight involves housework, grocery shopping, and Juno training. Tomorrow is family party, Sunday is exercise, Juno, gardening, knitting, and prepping for the week. YAY!

I'm so glad that summer is here. Yes I said summer. It feels like it. It's warm, sunny...in fact, not even warm - but HOT. It's fantastic. I didn't realize how much the cold and dark weather was getting to me until it turned to heat and sunshine. I feel like a totally different person. Things that bothered me a week ago no longer matter. People are fantastic, interesting, beautiful creatures. I have energy! I want to do things! It's still LIGHT OUTSIDE when I get home from work!!!! I love this time of year! I am DONE with the cold, the chilly, the frigid. Bring on the tank tops, the tanning, the flip flops!

garden fences

Yesterday I spent some time painting the garden fence that Adam (and I) built. Once that's painted, we can set it up, and then I can start work on the garden without fear of dogs destroying it. It was really nice yesterday - listened to Harry Potter on my ipod and the sun shone and the dogs scampered....



A lot of my seeds are doing really well - the only one that hasn't come up at ALL are the jalapenos, which I am sad about. However, if I have to buy plants I can do that...I have always had good luck with jalapeno plans from the store.


The green beans are doing awesome.



Chris' brother, David, comes over many weekends and the boys spend the whoooole time playing computer games. It's just like Southpark - "We ARE socializing, r-tard"

who wins?

last night was a lovely night, and today has been a thoroughly enjoyable day. Last night Adam and I had plans for dinner, (all because filet mignon was on sale at ralphs and I was hungry when I went grocery shopping..whoops) but his sister got a flat and there were issues with her car, so he called around 7 to say that 8 wouldn't work for dinner, and maybe we should just do it another time.

Instead of getting resentful and not-nice, I was SO VERY HAPPY that my first reaction was "oh, that's totally fine - things happen." I almost bowled myself over with my magnanimous reaction to a change in plans. If you don't know me, I have a very hard time adjusting to change when I have a picture of how I want things to go in my head.

Anyways, when he got home, because I had been awesome, he could vent his frustrations TO me, instead of me adding to them. I know this is such basic stuff, but I want to pat myself on the back for being a supportive almost-wife. He watched some American Idol with me, then played video games with Chris while I cooked. I was low-key, low-pressure when I interrupted and asked if he wanted to take a break to come eat with me - and he did! We ate the BOMB filet that I made with baked potatoes and broccoli while watching Legend of the Seeker on netflix. He went back to his games and I went to bed - very happy, very content, very pleased with the entire night.

I was talking to my aunt julie about being married the other night - and the concept of "winning" in a relationship - whenever Adam and I argue, or if he wants to change plans or something, my reaction is to try to *win* - for myself, singularly. That's awful! I am trying very hard to adapt my thinking to winning as a couple, as a relationship - and the outcome of the specific fight tends to be very, very different when I think of it that way.

Anyways, I'm feeling good. Went to weight watchers today, lost 2.4 pounds! Had a good lunch of leftovers, and tonight is an A2A event! I finished another pair of socks I'd been knitting, have tons of wedding stuff for tomorrow, and plans to look at bridesmaid dresses with my sisters on sunday!

friendships and myers briggs tests

The executive director made us take the myers briggs test again for another meeting about our strengths. This is something like the 8th or 9th 3 hour meeting that's focused on the same topic. I liked it the first time.

Anyways, there was one line that was interesting in this analysis that I didn't catch last time:

"Face-to-face relationships are intense, personable and warm, though they may be so infrequently achieved that intimate friendships are rare."

I have a lot of people that I love, and even more than I like - and even MORE that I'm entertained by or admire. But there really have been remarkable few people that I feel have broken past the barriers to "intimate friendship." Even fewer when you take my family out of the mix. I can think of two "best friends" that I've had in my life - Tiffani and Marina. Tiffani was especially intense, since she lived so close (Marina has always been 3 hours or more away from me). I don't think I've ever had a friend quite like Tiffani - she got to a level of friendship with me that I feel almost unable to give to anyone else. I'd love to, trust me, but it just doesn't *work* - I can't force it, and I don't know how it came about to begin with. I remember the moment it happened, too. Our dog had escaped and T and I went on a walk through the neighborhood trying to find her. It was a magical walk. Then I moved to WI for a boy, and got more and more distant, and then when I came back I started CSULB and just stopped talking to her. It hurt her - and I didn't realize what I had done until much later. Now it feels like it keeps hurting me - not sharp-pain hurting, but a constant feeling that I had something that I am unable to get again. She hasn't spoken to me for years. I sent her a few apology emails, and once I got a one-line acknowledgement, but other than that - nothing. She got married to a man I'd never met. I'm getting married to a man she's never met. I had this friend and then I killed it.

I feel broken, sometimes. Inept. I like people, I like them a lot - I just have this wall when it comes to making lifelong friends. So it was kind of nice to read that sentence - that it's not that I'm broken, it's part of my personality trait. Ho hum.


okay so I felt glum for a while then went on my flickr account and looked at adorable photos of Juno when she was just a few months old. All better now.

Indiana Baby Blanket

 

A while back I made a blanket for a friend of mine at work - well, not for her, but for her unborn neice. I made it, shipped it to Indiana, and the baby was born!! I love seeing photos of the things I make being used by who they were made for. :)

slumpy dumps and snowy photos

I've been in a weird and funky place the last week or two. Nothing horrific, just, not my usual motivated self. I've lapsed into laziness. I started drinking caffeine like a fiend. I haven't taken the dog out or gone to the gym. I do one load of dishes a day and nothing feels clean.

Yesterday I bought paintings for the house and have buyers remorse. I have vague guilty remorseful feelings on the fringe of everything I do, and I can't pinpoint them. I think my overachieving tendencies are warring with my love of leisure and recreation, and this is an uncomfortable place to be in. I discovered a new series that I love to sit around and watch marathon-style, but when I'm doing that, I'm sure as hell not at the gym or walking Juno. I vacuumed yesterday. That was my big success. But I only vacuumed because I spilled garbanzo beans and parsley all over the floor.

Le sigh. I'm not terribly down in the dumps, mood-wise, just not up and pumped like I usually am. This last weekend I had all these great big project plans and did NOTHING. I stayed up til 5am drinking caffeine and eating junk while watching tv on saturday, then slept til 11on sunday and didn't do anything.

The one big accomplishment of the weekend was actually BUYING a wedding cake!!!! We have it done son! Almond cake with an almond/chocolate ganache and buttercream frosting. Soooo delicious. We met with a photographer as well. Very professional, looks great - also super expensive. I started messing around with invitations, but lacked inspiration.

Anyways - I have some great photos from our June Lake trip to post, I started tracking food again this morning, and today I will stop at the gym ON MY WAY HOME FROM WORK. I will trust in that making me feel so productive that the feeling will just continue on.










June Lake was snowy, obviously. It was Juno's first time in the snow and she loved it. We spent HOURS and HOURS chasing snowballs.